Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Fearful Excitement

Well, we have finally set a date for moving from Panama City Beach to Boston. At the very last of June we are hoping to be on our way to Beantown. Kimberly and I were in the car yesterday thinking, "this time next year we are going to be Bostonians?!?" It is weird to think about and yet it is what we know we are supposed to do. I think sometimes, "what if I don't measure up?" What if I don't 'make it happen'? It is a scary thing launching out into uncharted waters. I mean we have been in communication with some people in Boston, but I have never been there, I do not know what to expect as far as ministry environments are concerned. It will be good to own my own vision and to see if I have what it takes to serve the Lord without the umbrella of a "church". It is still scary to think that everything will come down to me and my decisions (for the most part). I just want to do this right. Everyone doubts my ability to make a living on my own. It is a scary thing to know the people who you admire and look up to don't think you can make it on your own. They haven't come right out and said it but, I just get the feeling that if they were straight up they would tell me that they think I'm lazy. That because I don't have a secular job that I am aimless and lacking in being able to provide for myself. I am 28 and for the last 4 years I have only really known church work. Which, I believe to be very hard work. It may not be a physically demanding deal, but my emotions and what not have been through the ringer. I sound so mopey. I have hope in Jesus and I can do all things throgh Him who strengthens me - even work at a "real" job.
Pray for me.

1 comment:

Jenelle said...

Hey Brian!,
I really think you are going to do great in Boston you and Kim. I'm so proud of you guys! Its like having to kids who made an A on their spelling Bee! haha, anyways, theres a big sigh in my heart knowing now when you guys are leaving, but lets not dwell on that and keep rocking out to some good times!