A New Year

2011 doesn't feel "new." Yeah there are the "best of 2010" lists and magazines dedicated to them. However the changing of the calendar just doesn't feel fresh. It could be that I have had a cold for most of the new year. Colds have a way of keeping me unmotivated and depressed. Maybe it is the grayness of the days and the empty trees that keep my head melancholy. Maybe it is because my prayer life has suffered because of my laziness and sin. At any rate this year has come and I don't feel the newness of it. I still feel the weight of time misspent last year and the opportunities I missed out on. Maybe this new year holds new hopes and dreams, maybe.

I did not make any resolutions this year. I decided the best way to not break them is to not make them (real ambitious on my part). I have decided instead to try to live out of my beliefs.

I need the gospel as much as I did last. I believe that Jesus has changed me. I need to live out of that. It's funny how you can know what you need and yet ignore the very thing that will uplift your soul. I feel like 2011 offers a restart for some things. But, I am still doing the same things I did last year. I am still in the same routine. I desperately need to spend time with Jesus, but there are always the demands of the urgent. And Jesus isn't exactly in my face asking me to spend time with Him. I wonder sometimes how some of guys have a handle on life. I mean, kids, wife, career, discipleship, and all the while tending to their own spiritual needs. I know that I am the one that has to apply the Gospel to my life. I just feel like I am failing in all of my life. Like I am slipping down the mountain instead of climbing this rock. Each day seems to slip past and I am going on autopilot, with no plan or direction.

I need three days to plan my new year and I don't have three days to do that. One day to decompress, one day to love God and journal and dream and one day to plan and map out a vision for my family and the ministry. It doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon. My wife needs a few days to just be - she is phenomenal. She loves and cares for our two little girls and for me so well.


I need to get back to deciding what I am going to do in youth ministry this year.

Let me know your thoughts and what your "New" year has in store for you... comment on the blog!

Here's to 2011.

Relax

It seems that I am too uptight. I worry too much and I basically don't need to. I guess I am too serious as well. I don't know why. I mean I have fun but it seems like others say I am really distracted and often come across like I don't care by not listening to them. I think all of it stems back to the fact that I am lazy and do not get the things I need to get done, done so I end up worrying needlessly about things that usually aren't that big of a deal. So now I think I will just learn to relax. I am weird, I know.

Relaxing isn't easy when my mind is in 50,000 places. I think about different scenarios in my head on if I say a certain thing to someone, what would be the possible outcomes. Or, if I do this or that I will not be doing this or that and what are the consequences or drawbacks or goodness that can come from things. I am lame, but that is me. And hopefully I am constantly changing and growing and become something else. Hopefully.

Relax.