THEOPHILUS

Alabama Tornado plus 14…

2011-05-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

Alabama Tornado - EFCA TouchGlobal Crisis Response from EFCA ReachGlobal on Vimeo.

Rumor has it that a lot of relief agencies and volunteers are packing it in and heading out of North Alabama. I hope that is not true. The EFCA TouchGlobal Crisis Response is staying for awhile. There is still much to do here. I am proud of my pastor and of my church and the EFCA and their continued resolve to carry on the relief efforts. My hope is that God will continue to raise up volunteers from all over to come and help with the clean up and rebuilding of our community. Our church building has become an outpost for mission relief to our neighbors. If you are still hoping to volunteer when you aren’t working your job please come out to Hope or give us a call. 256-830-5544. We have jobs to do and people to help.

Speaking of Rebuilding check out this effort some friends of mine are putting together

REBUILD +he South

Final Back of the Truck Report humbling

2011-05-07T08:53:00.000-05:00

Back of the Truck Report Final Ride to the Church

2011-05-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

Nicaragua Day Five – Alabama Tornado Plus Seven

2011-05-05T23:44:00.006-05:00

Thursday night in Nicaragua. My teaching/preaching here is complete. Steve has to finish his last session on Counseling Marriage Conflict.

Some thoughts and observations regarding today:
Steve covered Counseling Unbelievers this morning. There were many "Amen!'s" from our brother Eddie. An interesting thing Steve shared with me this week has been that when Hope started teaching in Nicaragua, Eddie was very adverse and contentious with the theology being taught. This week, which may be our last teaching time here, Eddie has been our "Amen! guy." He shouts "Amen!" after nearly every scripture verse. He shouts "Amen!" in the afternoon, sometimes to just wake people up from the lunch and heat induced drowsiness. But today was special, especially for Steve. Eddie informed us that he would be unable to attend Friday's last session. He must return to his home about two and a half hours outside of Esteli. He had received a phone call that he needed to return home. He thanked us for coming and teaching and then he said, "I will pray that Hope Church will return to Nicaragua." For Steve, it was a very monumental moment. We had won over a brother. Eddie, in the beginning of Hope's involvement here had publicly argued with the teachers. And now, he was hoping that we would return again one day. That is Jesus stuff.

<----Eddie is the man sitting in the corner of this picture.

Today was also The Marriage Counseling portion of the teaching. We were able to put in their hands a notebook of one hundred and seven pages of Marriage Counseling material in Spanish. Steve and I will only be able to cover two sections of the material, a total of about eighteen pages. However, the students were so grateful for the material and were eager to follow along as they have everyday. There was a buzz in the room when I began my session on marriage. It seemed they were eager to hear how to have stronger biblical marriages.
A Side Note: I have struggled to keep my portion to just teaching the material. I have slipped into "preacher" mode on several occasions, however. There is just something about articulating the gospel of Jesus that I have to "throw down" and exhort and not just calmly go through the material. Today was no exception. In fact I think it happened more so today than any of the other days. End Side Note

Our translators had shared how marriage has been eroding in Nicaraguan culture and how the church here has similar problems even with the pastors (we aren't that different after all). So, I exhorted the men, especially the pastors to love their wives, to honor them, to cherish them and to care for them as Christ loved the church. I could not help but riff a little Mark Driscoll and call out the men to stop abusing the women. I challenged the young singles to grow up and take responsibility for themselves if they wanted a wife. It was a really great session. Chico shares his thoughts on it in "Back of the Truck Report" so, make sure you check that out.

When I taught the section on sexual purity in marriage, we had several questions during the break. One that we were unable to answer in mixed company. Some of the young men gathered a translator and myself for a private pow wow on the subject matter and soon Steve joined us for the little informal Q&A. It was good that the men were thinking the matter through and we offered the best biblical answers we could. At dinner tonight Steve remarked that this was a first time in all the years he has been teaching on marriage hat he got a question with a particular phrase that he had never been asked regarding sex. This is a family blog so you'll have ask him personally.

I got so worked up preaching, er I mean teaching that I was over heated at lunch time and couldn't eat my lunch. However, I was really feeling full from the encouraging "Amen's" that I was receiving. So I drank my water and prepared for my next session with prayer and thanksgiving. Chico, one of the translators, said that the students enjoyed my passion and intensity. Glory to God.

Most of the students are women and the sisters are encouraging with their attentiveness and laughter at my jokes about myself. However, there are a handful of younger men (twenty somethings) that have really encouraged me this week. To see them eager to understand Biblical Counseling and to have a better understanding of God's word has been awesome. To see young men nod and smile in agreement with God's Word has been uplifting. They are the future of the church in Nicaragua and that is exciting.

Jesus is in Nicaragua and His bride is radiant here.

I flew through the rest of my material in under an hour after lunch so that Steve could get into the Conflict Resolution session that he will finish in the morning. We then held a graduation ceremony for last year's students and it was a blessing to shake the students hands and see the joy on their faces as they received their certificates. Each certificate has a picture of the student (this is often the only picture they get taken and printed each year), their name and the teacher's names. I was glad Cairo was calling the names. Most of them were a mouth full. But each person who cam forward was smiling with gratitude and what seemed like an overwhelming sense of accomplishment.

My time here in Nicaragua has been brief but it has been rewarding. The people here are friendly and pleasant. The believers are filled with joy and radiate Christ. The translating team has been fascinating. I am wore out at the end of the day and I am only speaking and thinking in one language.

The thing that has stood out the most to me is the way the city has been full of life. There are always people walking from somewhere to get somewhere. The cars and trucks and buses, while fast and always beeping seem to have a system in what feels and looks like utter chaos. There is constant merging and vehicles are always moving here. Motorcycles and buses share skinny one way streets and Cairo seems to know his city like the back of his hand. I have been impressed with our translators, especially Cairo. He loves his country and he loves Jesus. He seems to love serving the gringos through translation and handling the ins and outs of us being here.

The Coca-Cola tastes the same, btw.

The pastor of the church where the onference is held has an unusual pet:

The Rocks Cry Out

2011-05-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Nicaraguan recess

2011-05-05T09:01:00.001-05:00

Melvin's name

2011-05-05T09:01:00.000-05:00

Nicaragua Day Four – Alabama Tornado Plus Six

2011-05-04T00:54:00.004-05:00

Nicaragua

Today I taught for the first time. On Monday, my teammate, Steve took the load of teaching and it lasted for all of the sessions as he taught on the introduction to Biblical Counseling. Today I carried much of the load as I taught on Secular Psychology and it's influence in the church. It was a very difficult morning. The history and views of Secular Psychology were more of information transfer and it was difficult to tell if I was engaging the students. However, there were parts of the teaching that were more Bible centric as we began to contrast the views of Freud, Skinner, Adler, etc. with the model of Biblical Counseling supported by God's word. It was excellent to be able to share about how secular worldviews have crept into common life and everyday thinking of the church. We are teaching that God's word is sufficient to solve man's problems and that God's people, especially pastors are called to use the word to treat man's problem - sin. Tomorrow, I teach on Understanding the Heart. It will be a full day again, I am sure.

At HOME

My church family back home has begun to have electricity again!

Someone posted this Google Map of the path of the tornado... Tornado Map

The F5 tornado that ripped through my community was about 2 miles at it's closest point to my house. I have reflected several times since being here in Nicaragua, that my house and my family could have been one of the ones devastated by the violent winds. It is a sobering thought. Even as we were huddled in our closet we could not imagine the devastation that was taking place so near to us. After seeing the images and driving around last week - I was humbled by the destruction. I keep thinking, for all our advancements in modern science and technology, we cannot control the weather. Specifically, we cannot control an F5 tornado. However, for those of us left in the wake of it's destruction we have to be shaken and comforted that there is one who controls the winds. When He speaks the wind obeys. So, even though lives have been lost, there have been many more lives spared. And those of us who have been spared from the wrath of the tornado, need to adjust our thinking and praise the One who was gracious that not all of our community was destroyed. Those of us that are left have hope to rebuild and we should be thankful that even in the midst of this tragedy, God is working all things together for our good and His glory. I have seen and heard of the good that is coming out of the recovery efforts. Churches and communities working together to serve and love their neighbors. That is a good thing. To those who have lost all of your worldly possessions - do not be anxious for God knows what has happened and He will take care of you. Humble yourselves, therefore under God's loving provision. He has spared your life perhaps this is a new start for you to truly live for His glory. For those who have lost family members and friends - there is still hope for you to know Jesus - you are still alive.

What is the Gospel?

2011-05-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

There is nothing to steal, well maybe...

2011-05-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

Nicaraguan praise

2011-05-03T00:11:00.001-05:00

Riding in the back of a truck NOLA style

2011-05-03T00:11:00.000-05:00

Nicaragua Day Two Alabama Tornadoes Plus Four

2011-05-01T22:38:00.009-05:00

Awoke with Alabama still on my mind.

I am trying to focus on where I am and what I am doing. However my thoughts and prayers continue to linger on my friends and family back in Bama. Please pray and help where you can.

So back to our regularly scheduled program.

I am in Nicaragua. I keep having to tell myself that. Today I got the honor and the privilege to preach to Christ's body here in Esteli. Melvin, a very humorous member of our translating team, translated as I preached this morning. I loved it. It was a bit unnerving at the beginning trying to establish a point of contact with a culture I am so foreign to. So, as I usually do back home, I used sports. Dennis Martinez was a pitcher for the Cleveland Indians from 1994-1997, he also has a stadium named after him here in Nicaragua. So, I explained that we have common ground in that we both have cheered for this famous Nicaraguan.I told them of my life before Christ and then told them that I repented of my unbelief and trusted Jesus when I was a senior in High School. I told them that I did not come all the way to Nicaragua to talk about me or Dennis Martinez. I came to talk about Jesus. So, I then preached six of Jesus' "I am" statements from the gospel of John. It was fun and I hope that God was glorified. I only spoke for twenty minutes. They had allotted us one hour. There were no worries though, as the pastor cam and filled up the remaining time, as pastor's are known to do. Pastor Miguel preached for 15 minutes from Genesis 12. I have no idea what he preached on other than he said "familia" a bunch of times.

The rest of the church service was fun and confusing all at once. The congregation was lead in songs by several young ladies and then the children came and sang a song. There were scripture readings intermixed. The pastor played the keyboard while the young ladies led the song time. There was much standing and sitting and then standing and sitting as they stand to pray here. The congregation was about a quarter of men and the rest women. We got to witness a baby dedication. A young girl came forward with two ladies from the church with her little baby in a tiny red dress and red shoes. Her thick black hair was shooting everywhere. We noticed that the dude was not there.

We found out last night that some churches in a nearby village were told that the conference wasn't taken place this week and Cairo had to do some damage control as he called pastors and informed them that we were indeed a go this week. Sunday was fun and full.

I got to call home from an internet/communications cafe. I was never so grateful to spend 5 cords or 25 cents.

At dinner, Melvin said, "I am as full as a tick." He has spent some time in the Southern most United States. :)

Although he has also been to my birth state, OH-IO!

We traveled over to the church where we will hold the conference and set up the new screen that we will use to project our teaching slides. I will have to take a picture and post it for Vern stork. There is some Alabama/Nicaragua engineering going on with the screen.

The food has been delicioso! We do eat a lot of Gallo Pinto (beans and rice).

We learned of Osama Bin Laden's death on Facebook of all places.

Nicaragua Travel Day One – Alabama Tornado Plus Three

2011-04-30T23:30:00.001-05:00

I shut my alarm on my iPhone off and threw my legs over the side of my bed. It was 4:30 AM and I had been awake off and on since 2 AM. I was excited and nervous this morning as I knew Steve and Ramona would arrive by 5 to pick me up. We drove in utter darkness the familiar usually well lit roads to the airport, where we boarded our first plane in our journey to Nicaragua. We are here in Estelí to train pastors and church leaders in the area of Biblical Counseling. We did share the flight with Tee Shirt missionaries. Guys were heading down to build training facilities, oddly enough. Every aspect of traveling was without headache. Our flights were on time, even out of powerless Huntsville. The trip has been smooth so far. It’s like second nature for Steve. You would think we were just going to see relatives when you are with him on this kind of journey. I have a problem however. It is not the uncertainty of being in a

What's left of The Piggly Wiggly on 53

foreign country or even the oddness of being the gringo with the bushy red goatee everyone stares at, no, it’s not those things. It’s not the fact that I outweigh and am taller than most everyone I see here. The food is delicious so far, so it is not the eats that are the problem (another reason I outweigh everyone). My issue is that I want to be home. Not in the “I am homesick and desire the comforts of home” way (there really aren’t any comforts at home right now other than the people who are there). I want to be helping in the relief efforts. I want to help my neighbors. I want to experience the joy that is helping my community. Alabama is hurting and I want to be there to help. God has a plan and a purpose in all things. I am right where I need to be and as I write this I am cut to the quick that I need to be all here while I am here. As Steve and I have been processing this, we came to the conclusion that God has our good at heart. We are here for a reason this week. Mainly we are here to declare God’s word and minister through teaching. " That's how we Roll..."

But I have a good feeling that we are here for God to continue to show us Himself and His glory. So, I am right where He wants me. He was not surprised by the tornadoes nor was He checking my calendar to make sure I was available this week. No, He has me right where He wants me. And He knows there is plenty of work to be done for His name this week and in the weeks to come – whether I am here or I am home, I want to be used by God for the sake of the Gospel. As I reflect on the past few days and think on the days to come, if that is my true desire, to be used by God for the sake of the Gospel, I need to apply the Gospel to all of my life. I need to walk in the grace that is not just extended to me but is extended through me. In every situation that I find myself I have been reminded that it is by God’s grace that I am alive. That I have a house, a wife, kids, food, clothing, the basics and that I get to be teaching God’s word to God’s people. I want to help my neighbors because God through Jesus helped His neighbor (Jesus is a better neighbor/Samaritan). At the end of the day I am just an unprofitable servant. I haven’t done anything special. I am merely living out the Gospel of grace that was poured out for me. And all the while I need to tell people of that Gospel. It’s available for all of those who will trust in the name of Jesus. We were three days removed from celebrating the triumphant rising from the dead by our God and King – King Jesus when the unthinkable happened in our state and community. Let us not forget that He is risen, that He is reigning and that His grace is sufficient. Let us remember that He holds the winds at bay and that He causes all things. Let us remember that these terrible things, God is turning to good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So let us remember that we go and we help because He is risen. Let us worship Him with our hearts, our heads, our hands and the sweat of our brows. There is work to be done, let us do it in spirit and in truth.

A New Year

2011-01-06T15:11:00.005-06:00

2011 doesn't feel "new." Yeah there are the "best of 2010" lists and magazines dedicated to them. However the changing of the calendar just doesn't feel fresh. It could be that I have had a cold for most of the new year. Colds have a way of keeping me unmotivated and depressed. Maybe it is the grayness of the days and the empty trees that keep my head melancholy. Maybe it is because my prayer life has suffered because of my laziness and sin. At any rate this year has come and I don't feel the newness of it. I still feel the weight of time misspent last year and the opportunities I missed out on. Maybe this new year holds new hopes and dreams, maybe.

I did not make any resolutions this year. I decided the best way to not break them is to not make them (real ambitious on my part). I have decided instead to try to live out of my beliefs.

I need the gospel as much as I did last. I believe that Jesus has changed me. I need to live out of that. It's funny how you can know what you need and yet ignore the very thing that will uplift your soul. I feel like 2011 offers a restart for some things. But, I am still doing the same things I did last year. I am still in the same routine. I desperately need to spend time with Jesus, but there are always the demands of the urgent. And Jesus isn't exactly in my face asking me to spend time with Him. I wonder sometimes how some of guys have a handle on life. I mean, kids, wife, career, discipleship, and all the while tending to their own spiritual needs. I know that I am the one that has to apply the Gospel to my life. I just feel like I am failing in all of my life. Like I am slipping down the mountain instead of climbing this rock. Each day seems to slip past and I am going on autopilot, with no plan or direction.

I need three days to plan my new year and I don't have three days to do that. One day to decompress, one day to love God and journal and dream and one day to plan and map out a vision for my family and the ministry. It doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon. My wife needs a few days to just be - she is phenomenal. She loves and cares for our two little girls and for me so well.

I need to get back to deciding what I am going to do in youth ministry this year.

Let me know your thoughts and what your "New" year has in store for you... comment on the blog!

Here's to 2011.

Almost Preaching the Gospel

2010-11-22T16:24:00.002-06:00

As the youth pastor at my church I get to preach to the whole body every once in awhile. My pastor/friend, Andy has been gracious to allow me to preach out of the series he is currently doing in John. I am humbled each time I stand up to deliver to the saints the mystery in which angels long to look into - namely the gospel of Jesus. This past week was no exception.

My text was John 5:18-47 - a lengthy answer that Jesus gives to the religious leaders. The heart of the passage is Jesus defense of his equality with God, or His deity as it were. I carefully studied the passage all week and decided to cover mainly verses 30-47, in which Jesus explains those who give testimony toward Him being God. Jesus states that John the Baptizer, Jesus' works, God the Father, the Scriptures and Moses point to or declare His divinity. The reason John writes his gospel is stated clearly in John 20:31; "These things are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in his name." So, John is not rolling out these witnesses' here for nothing. Jesus' testimony to the religious leaders builds John's case in the defense of imploring his readers that Jesus is the Son of God. This passage should do one of two things in a person; either strengthen existing faith or cause the person to examine whether or not they have put their trust in Jesus.

But Jesus is also laying out a counter charge to his listeners and to us. For the religious leaders they would have been men, who in the line of Abraham believe in the God of Isaac and Jacob, and who would have taught the Law of God and were supposed to be familiar to the Scriptures, Jesus brings the accusation that they are actually opposed to God, because they oppose belief in Jesus. We stand with them in opposition. Some of us in familiarity with the things of God and some in the their ignorance to the things of God. In our selfish, vain attempts at our own salvation. Jesus counter charges are seen in five ways. He says to them, of them, that "you do not have God's word abiding in you", that "you refuse to come to me", that "you do not have the love of God within you", that "you do not receive me", and "if you believed Moses, you would believe me."

I then said, that there are two types of people here today - those who believe and are still trusting in their works and those who could care less and are do nothing. And here is where I failed to preach the Gospel. I got somethings out of order as I was trying to wax poetically about posers and how there are religious posers. I never brought it back to land on the gospel. That it is not about what we do or don't do, it is about what HE did. I had laid guilt upon their hearts and minds and never brought it back to the Gospel. I mentioned the Gospel earlier in the message. How we need to please God only by faith. I even quoted John Piper. He says, "Faith is a being satisfied with all that God is for us in JESUS, not just an assent to truths (past or future) but heartfelt valuing and treasuring of all that God promises to be for us in Jesus."

That would have been nice after the two types of people remark. If I had only said Jesus is the third person - He was the only completely obedient one. We need to put our hope and trust in Him - we need to believe Him and what He has done - namely believe the Gospel. And instead I left everyone in the darkness of their guilt. No grace or hope was offered.

I failed Sunday to do the one thing I was trying to get everyone else to do - believe the Gospel. A friendly lady in our church messaged me on Facebook and shared with me her concerns. Ironically, they were the same as my wife's as we talked about it that late afternoon. I explained that I missed the mark and this is how I responded to her:

First of all, THANK YOU!
Thanks for listening and being willing to provide push back on something you heard that you disagreed with. With that being said, let me explain.
I missed the mark. I missed communicated. Your being rubbed the wrong way about the two types in the church was exactly the problem my wife had with my message. I should have followed that statement with the my whole reasoning for why I said it. There are only two types because Jesus is the third type. He was the only one utterly obedient. And when we put our trust and rest in Him and lean on that hope than we no longer have to perform or be the poser. AND you are right, that would lend itself to the third type, I suppose, the Gospel Centered person. I was merely trying to convince us that we don't have it all together - no one really does - and that by Faith we can walk in Jesus' grace that we don't have it all together and the Father still accepts us. I totally did not communicate that at all. I thought long and hard about it last night (so much so my heart and head hurt). I failed to do the one thing I was asking everyone to believe in - Give the hope of the Gospel. I think i rushed it and did not finish my thought and you were not the only one to think so. I know I ticked off a few others. I don't believe that our church is full of posers - but I do want our church to believe the gospel fully - that it's not about what you or I do it is about what He did. And therefore we "do" out of gratitude, love, faith and realizing that Jesus is our treasure.

I messed up, and I hope that you give me the benefit of the doubt that I do not believe we are without hope. I am a little glad, however that it stirred you up enough to write to me about it. At least so that I could explain and hopefully we can still be friends. :)
I just want people to fully lean on all that God has promised to be for us in Jesus. I played the role of the guilt layer devil on Sunday without offering the hope of the rejoicing Father. And for that I am sorry. Please, don't give up on me. We love you, too!

So, maybe people are talking about the Gospel. And maybe some will extend to me the grace I failed to speak of Sunday.

TO BLOG or NOT TO BLOG

2010-10-18T13:26:00.003-05:00

That is the question. Life has been coming at me at a hundred miles an hour. As my wife and I have taken in two little girls to care for them as our own. I have discovered how selfish and lazy I have been. My wife is amazing. She has rolled with being a Mom like it was in her from birth. It's like second nature to her to take care of these little girls. I am, however struggling to find balance between my walk with God, my job as a youth pastor and being a husband and a new dad.

So here I am thinking, "How can I blog about this? - or "why should I blog about this?"

I feel sometimes that the people who actually read my blog are people I am in conversation with. So, why write about stuff I talk to them about? I think I need a theme or something to create some unity and purpose to write. Just writing about me and my experience seems prideful and self-indulgent. I mean, I have several things that I am interested in but none that I feel worthy enough to write about. How do I serve others by writing a blog? Better yet, how can I glorify God and enjoy Him by writing a blog? Am I just adding to the noise? There are already so many good blogs out there. Why add to the clutter? And besides, who really wants to read commentary from a broken down, ordinary youth pastor, foster dad, lover of Jesus who likes movies and football? I don't know why I even wrote this post.

Thanks for reading.

Why I am Considering giving up on POP.

2010-08-17T14:09:00.004-05:00

100th Post

2010-07-16T16:17:00.002-05:00

Where I Am
I am frustrated and worn, O God. I am distracted and entertained, O God.
I have been wallowing in self loathing and self pity. The world seems to overtake my thoughts and my sin is always crouching at my door step. I “feel” frustrated and unmotivated because I “feel” trapped in a rut of selfishness and apathy. I am truly confused. I want to do good things; be a good man. I want to be a good man but evil is right there with me. I get tired of the same old thinking of grace and Jesus. As if it is a painting I pass on the way to the toilet. And yet here I am, only seeing Christ out of the corner of my eye. Glancing unimpressed at His glory and beauty, I have become familiar with the mysterious crucified Christ. My Lord has become an obligation, nay an occupation that I MUST perform to. I have become hardened not by the study of Scripture but by the lack of love and care for intimacy with the Word of the Living God. God’s book is something I tell others to love but I myself am not lost in my lover’s stare. I do not gaze upon the beauty of the Lord as young girls flock to see old “what’s their face” in Twilight. I have been the whore who is easily drawn to lesser loves. I have given myself up to temporal wastes of time and energy all the while despising myself for not being with the King of glory. I have been restless and looking to the horizon. My mind ever consumed with the “What Ifs” of my existence. “What If” we get to adopt? “What If” I lose my job? “What If” I fail at being a faithful husband and Christian? “What If” I never lose weight? “What If” I plant a church? “What If” I do well at being a father and a husband? “What If” I can’t pay my mortgage? “What If” I am missing the point?
Truth is…
I am loved by God. He loves me, not because of the “What if’s”. He loves me because He has set me apart for His eternal glory and for my good. He is with me. He is with me! He looks at me not with anger or disdain, but rather He sees Christ. He sees Jesus. I have trusted that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. And it is His righteousness that God sees in the place of my filth and my idolatry. Beauty is, I am not alone. Jesus is living in me, fighting sin, and thwarting the enemy. I am following Him because He is the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be (sorry Hit Man). Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. He has given all of Himself up for me. He is the treasure that is buried in the field that a man sells all that he has to obtain. I have the power and ability than to forsake all things that have no eternal significance and embrace the one thing that matters. Jesus died for sinners, of whom I am chief. I need to walk in the identity that I am a child, a friend, a servant of the Living God. That He has set me apart for His purposes. And I will sing a new song. He is the King of glory. Come Lord Jesus, Come. I am hidden under the refuge of His wings.
How to Be Honest
My sin has been exposed to Jesus. I do not need to fear you. I do not need to hide my sin. My sin is real but so is my Savior. Jesus has forgiven me. He also gives me the power to walk in His way. I have been given a new heart in order to love Jesus in obedience and faith. I sin against a holy God, who has forgiven me on and by the cross of Christ. I don’t believe this very well. I wake up with guilt from yesterdays gone by. I believe, help my unbelief.

When

2010-07-13T15:20:00.002-05:00

I want to change things about myself.

I want to lose weight; be more disciplined; love my wife better; fear God with sincerity; love my neighbor more consistently; plan my ministry better; be more intentional about giving a reason for the hope that I have; behave like a person that has hope; practice the spiritual disciplines more frequently; be a man that longs for Jesus' return over the return of my favorite sport season, be more generous; be able to balance priorities and fun; be a better master to my dog...

I am starting to read this book:

You Can Change by Tim Chester

Get it from Amazon: Here

Let’s see what happens.

The Gospel-Driven Church: Your Church Might Not be a Church If . . .

2010-07-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

Jared Wilson shares his thoughts on Church in this post on his blog... Check it out.
The Gospel-Driven Church: Your Church Might Not be a Church If . . .

Sample:
You can't remember when you last heard the name of Jesus in a message.

The Easter message isn't about the resurrection but "new opportunities" in your life or turning over a new leaf.

On patriotic holiday weekends, the message is about how great America is.

On the other weekends, the message is about how great you are.

There are more videos than prayers.

People don't sing during "worship," but watch.

A Quick Note

2010-06-03T18:31:00.003-05:00

1. I promise to write more on here.
2. You promise to comment more.
3. I am recently a foster dad to two girls. LeeAnn and Baby Bree.
4. I am at Student Life Camp with Jr. Highers.
5. Pray for us (mostly Kimberly, my wife) - See 3 and 4

Honesty: Death to Performance Post 2

2010-03-02T17:09:00.002-06:00

And you probably thought this wasn't going to happen (so soon)

I had a talk with Andy on Monday. We usually do Sunday debrief and catch up on Mondays. We do the "Monday morning quarterback" for church pastors. The usual, "how do you think this went?" or "how was the (fill in the blank)?" We discussed the weaknesses and strengths of my message from Sunday. We chatted about his trip to Jacksonville for the district conference and how he was able to catch up with some old California friends. He was excited to be serving on the district board. He shared about his time with Jarred, one of our students who has gone to serve as an intern with 2nd Mile Ministries. We went to lunch with James Blackwood as is the custom for JAB (James, Andy & Brian) Monday Lunch. And then we came back from lunch and I had to "man up".

Why "man up"?

I have been holding some of my thoughts and heart back from him. He's my friend, my pastor and kinda like my boss (although we don't really have that awkward Michael Scott - Jim Halpert type of relationship). I have had problems talking about things with others I have been in similar relationships with. It's on me because Andy has never really given me the impression that I could not talk to him about such things. He's actually always been approachable and easy to talk with. So, I had to "man up" because I was living in fear of the conversation. Mainly because as a people pleaser, I did not want him to dislike me. A step for me in killing performance was to talk with Andy about these things.

Such "things"?

Now that I have jumped the hurdle of talking about it with him, I do feel more free to write about it here. My heart has been heavy for awhile. As I am learning what it means to walk in mission and live out the call of Jesus in my life, I have been wrestling with what that is for me. I talked to him about my future, my passions, my thoughts and my calling. We discussed what I had been wanting to discuss for months, namely "Where am I headed?" We spent a good bit on how I can utilize my time here at Hope for the Gospel and for my growth as a follower of Jesus, a husband, a pastor and so on. How can he and others help me process my gifts. I feel relieved, not because I know what is in store for me in the future but I know that my ally, Andy, is going to help me with egos stripped away so that we can make much of the Gospel here, there and everywhere (a little Seuss never hurts).

Honesty

This is so huge for me. I was living with a giant cloud of fear over my head. I wasn't trusting Jesus. I was sinning. I was sinning! I was afraid that if I was honest with Andy about my process, he would just write me off. "Go" or "I am the pastor, not you, and I will make decisions for this and that" was what I heard in my head as the scene played out. I was so scared that I was going to come across as this arrogant jack ass that thinks he knows the things of God. Truth is, I don't. I have been given but a glimpse through God's Word about what He wants from me. This is what I also took from the Honesty conference. I am still trusting God to do a work in me. To be honest and give people the benefit of the doubt has been a tough lesson to learn (still learning). I had been projecting my insecurities and past experiences onto Andy. He shot me straight, though. Told me that, in his opinion, I have a fear of the "settling down" - that in my life there seems that I need to have drama. Moving, new job, new whatever - and I agree that is a problem that I have. I am willing to work that out. I will try to figure out if that is driving these other things. Is that "need" driving my heart for church planting? I don't know but I am going to think about it.

Until next time:

²⁶Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ²⁷And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ²⁸And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

³¹What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ³³Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶As it is written,

"For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:26-39

Death to Performance (Part One)

2010-02-10T22:34:00.014-06:00

Honesty: Death to Performance

I spent the day, yesterday, in Franklin, TN with a few of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Here are some thoughts that I had.

First of all, I want to say that I was confronted by the Holy Spirit (more on that later).

I was looking forward to Honesty:Death to Performance, mainly because I like being around Acts29 guys, but also because we would get to hear from Ray Ortlund Jr., Ed Stetzer, Scott Thomas and Jamie George. The subject matter was secondary to being able to hear from these guys. Something turned after we got there and I found myself being confronted with my sin. The sin that so easily entangles me is my lust to gain approval from others. I have struggled with it most of my Christian life (prior to coming to Christ it wasn't a "problem" per se, it was just a symptom of my unbelief). In some ways my pride of wanting people to like me (sin) was fed by various things in my story, but nowadays the sin manifests and feeds itself through my career (ministry). I always want the parents in our youth group to like me and I want their kids to like me. I want the elders and deacons to approve of what I do. I want to be on the "right" side of certain theological discussions so that people respect me or like talking to me. I steal glory from things like sports teams or movies or bands so that others will identify me as one of their own and thus like me (living in Alabama with two SEC teams to choose from makes this complicated). My job is one that requires interaction with people and this feeds the addiction of wanting people to "like" me. It's not enough that people respect me or whatever; it's that I want them to really like me.

The other edge of the sword is that I also struggle with the sin of self-pity or self loathing. I feel that I don't measure up to my own expectations and the bully of it is that I am the one setting those expectations. When I was a kid, I would punish myself before my mom could get to it. I would put myself in the corner or whatever, so my mom tells me. In some ways I still do this, only I do it with my Father in heaven. I become aware of my sin and instead of mortifying the sin I punish myself in various ways or I would even view things not going my way as God's tangible punishment.

Yesterday, God met me in Franklin, through his men. As they unpacked (as Ed Stetzer would say) what Gospel centered living, and for me ministry, looks like I found the grace of God running deep there. I found that I had been caught up with performance in my head. I disguise it by saying things like, "I wish I had more kids in our Sr. High youth group". The sin behind a comment that can actually be viewed as good, is at the heart of that I am really believing the lie that God isn't sovereign and has precisely who he wants in my life. Could I do more? Sure. But do I trust that what I am doing is given to me by God to do and He is the one in control of the results? No, if I am honest, I don't trust - this is sometimes called unbelief.

Yesterday, I fell into the depths of His mercy. I heard things that I had probably heard before. The Gospel isn't new to me. However, it is still as much needed for me today as it was when He began this good work in me. The Gospel isn't just the beginning of my Christian walk, it is the middle and the end as Ed Stetzer put it; it is the journey to live out who I am in Christ; from performance (to please God) to response to what God has done, namely Jesus' gospel(this pleases Him). That gospel being the life, the death, and the resurrection of Jesus for the glory of God and my gain. Yes, my gain. Jesus' propitiation for my sin covers these sins too. The thought that God approves of me because of Jesus is overwhelming but so true. Gospel. There is nothing that I can do to make him love me any more and there is nothing that I can do that would make him love me less because that love is found in Jesus. I am in Him and therefore the Father sees Jesus when he looks at me. That is good news. And it is grace. That which I couldn't do Jesus did. That is a release of a lot of pressure. Ed Stetzer said, the gospel is not about getting people to turn over a new leaf, but for them to embrace new life. I am that person.

More later.

Donald Whitney Giveaway

2009-12-21T22:14:00.002-06:00

You need to take the time and go through the steps. A chance for one book from Donald Whitney is worth it!

Donald Whitney Giveaway

And you'll get to subscribe to a useful blog.

The Tears of the Saints

2009-08-17T23:19:00.000-05:00

So Shall It Be

2009-08-17T00:28:00.002-05:00

Stand and lift your heads
Redemption is drawing near (Luke 21:28)
The armies of heaven
Are riding in the air (Revelations 19:14)

Look into the clouds
Every eye will see
Christ coming down
So shall it be (Revelations 1:7)

Like lightning through the skyEveryone will know (Matthew 24:27)
Jesus is alive
And reigns forevermore

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Praise be to the savior
Praise be to the king
Who conquered death and sorrow
And made our hearts to sing

Thanks Mark for coming to Hope Church. I hope we were able to be a blessing to you. You certainly encouraged me and blessed me.

You Have an Opportunity

2009-07-21T14:23:00.001-05:00

My Frustration with Current Youth Ministry

2009-07-12T18:05:00.000-05:00

I was at the Gospel Coalition a couple of months back. Lots of pastor's who love the Gospel; the incarnation, the sinless life of Jesus and his obedience to death on a cross as a penal substitution for our sins, His resurrection that triumphed over death and the grave and the fact that He is seated at the right hand of the Father interceding on our behalf and that He will return again as King.That Gospel. Anyway, I met a few youth pastors, this is not a blog about them.

I felt a little bit like an outsider at this conference, although I was in a good percentage of the age bracket of those in attendance. Being in youth ministry and being a Calvinist (yeah I said it), proposes all kinds of challenges. Mainly because deep thinking and theology (of that kind) are not held in high regard within most youth ministry circles and the trendiness of youth ministry things are not looked at favorably among those who run in the "Gospel Coalition" circles. It seems to me that there are not very many Calvinistic/reformed leadership in the area of popular youth ministry. I have trouble bringing the world of Keller, Carson and Piper (for example) into youth ministry. I long for youth ministry to feel the weight of the Glory of God. And at the same time I feel like I don't have time to play around. Am I stretching my calling or do i need to suck it up and play a game or two?

I love to preach God's Word. I purposefully use the word preach because "teach" is not what I mean. I think there is an unspoken expectation in youth ministry to "teach" youth God's Word but don't preach to them. I have been "preaching" angrily on Sunday nights. My wife said that I have been saying, "you should" do this or that more than I have been salting my speech with grace. Some of that I admit was coming from a place of authority to call them to purity and accountability. But I wonder if sometimes I am too hard or bring heat when I should bring light.

This is my frustration: That there is the expectation that youth ministry should be fun and trivial and that young people cannot handle hard truths and commands from Scripture and meanwhile they are leaving our churches.

I am thinking out loud. Any thoughts?

Mission: Jacksonville

2009-07-11T15:05:00.007-05:00

Our summer mission team went to Jacksonville, Florida again this year. The green house on 24th and Pearl has housed us for another week. We had a few new faces and some familiar ones on our journey this year. Teresa, Alex, Jacob, Jarred and Abby were all new to the urban exchange.

Expectations were high this year as most were repeat missionaries. However, some things were not as clear as I thought they were. Cultural faux pas aside, we didn't submerge ourselves into the experience as much as I would have liked.

We did have some new tasks put upon us this year. As we took on a week of summer day camp. Learning to sing "Jambo" Swahili for "hello", and be ultra enthusiastic about it was a challenge. All of us were assigned different age groups of kids. Ages were from pre-K to maybe the 4th grade. Kimberly, Zach and Matthew had the youngest and largest group. They were amazing with them. Jessica, Alex and I were assigned the next group which had mostly boys. By day 2 I was ready to switch out with Teresa, who was way better at teaching and dealing with the youngsters than I was. I was a grumpy gus most of the week (more about that later). The next group had Andrew, Abby and our new friend, second mile intern, Harin as the leaders. The next group had Jarred, and another new friend, Nic (intern) as the leaders. The last and oldest group had Jamie and (thanks for praying) Ross as their leaders. Ross had his hands full as his group was made up entirely of pre-pubescent girls. He had his hair "did" differently every day.

We sang songs under the leadership of an intern; John. John did an amazing job with the help of his sound man, Garret and his "Hype-man" Jamal. John lead the songs and bible story times. Our group did a skit and they asked me to share the story of Jesus death and resurrection with the kids. John did a better job relating to the little kids than I did. I am positive that I over complicated the communication. But never the less the Gospel was clear to kids that week.

We had fun with the recreation. After Teresa relieved me from my group, I took her job as snack coordinator, something that is more my expertise. I had a great helper in Bekah. Jacob was on water duty, as he set up coolers of ice water for everyday. He did an excellent job getting the most important thing of the day ready to go.

We had devotional and learning times in the mornings. I am not sure what our students got out of it (as I write this I have not been able to debrief anybody), but I was overwhelmed again at how blind I am at injustice and taking care of the poor. I don't mean giving the poor a hand out, I mean being conscience of how I can help. There are already exsisting agencies that could use my time and my presence.

It was hot. The guys slept upstairs in what some dubbed as Sheol. We had a few fans, but it was just to push the hot air around. I would literally wake up because my pillow was soaked with my sweat. I only say this because I know that there are houses in that neighborhood that do not even have fans. It was difficult to get a good nights sleep. I was usually the first one up because I longed to take a cold shower and was awake from the pool I called a pillow. We made it through though. We really had no complaints. Mostly just jokes surrounding the utter hotness that was the upstairs.

I was angry in the flesh because of the lack of good sleep and I sinned with that anger as I let it corrupt my spirit. I was quickly irritated by some of the students actions and I let it get to me. I said some things I shouldn't. And to not let the devil get another foot hold, just know that I repented and asked specific students for their forgiveness. I don't make excuses, I sinned and needed to repent. 'Nuff said.

Jacksonville was different and the same this year. Familiar friends and yet we had other tasks and different assignments. And yet once again we came believing we were bringing the Gospel and God showed me again that it is I who is in need of the Gospel, still. I need the crucified Christ because I am a sinner. And I need to realize his resurrection has now made me a Saint that has the hope of the world, Jesus, living inside of him. I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

Vehicles

2009-05-05T23:44:00.003-05:00

My good friend Dale recently posted on his blog a quote I sent him by Joshua Harris at the Gospel Coalition. The quote was: "The local church is not to abandon the mission, but it's the vehicle for the mission"

So I asked, "what kind of vehicle are we?" I am not sure that this is even the right question to be asking. However, Dale does an excellent job of answering the question based on the cars in his parking lot at work. I am going to cheat a bit and use google. So here is my response to Dale using some of his categories.

The vehicle I am stuck in a lot:

Notice how it says "Lazy Daze" on the front.

But, Dale is right, I too have a lot going on and maybe I am not stuck in a dumb daze so maybe I am more like this:

Fast and "office" oriented but really just going in circles.

God has not called us to zoom past life or drive in circles. We are designed for so much more. However, this is how I think the world sees my love for God:

A crappy hatchback that you don't want to sit in because you'll get burnt. And it is foreign to people.

At times I wish that people would see me and the church like this:

Trendy, American, Cool, Sleek,on the Cutting Edge.

We spend a lot of time and effort trying to be like this vehicle:

We (I) try to get "Back to the Future"; meaning that I am constantly wanting things about Church to either fast forward, get present or even sometimes get ancient.

However, the truth is that we need to be like these vehicles consistently:

Pray for us. Pray that we will recognize that we need to live an Emergency/War-time lifestyle. We are at war.

So Dale thinks I need to post more

2009-04-28T10:41:00.000-05:00

He's right.

Where Did February and March go?

2009-04-14T15:03:00.002-05:00

Okay so I have had several blog ideas and have failed to write about them. And I am cautious because I know who actually reads this silly thing. SO I will be bold and try to write some things.

Song that is messing me up:

Scripture that is equally messing me up:

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

5And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." 6And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. 8 But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death."

Revelation 21:1-8

I am cowardly, faithless, detestable, a murderer, sexually immoral, a sorcerer, an idolater, and a liar. But praise Jesus that He is not and He has redeemed me and he sings over me. Jesus saves me from those things and calls me His own. Which is why I am thankful for Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 6:11 - And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Amen

Monday is for Music

2009-01-05T13:53:00.001-06:00

Youth Ministry

2009-01-05T00:09:00.003-06:00

I am a youth pastor. I haven't written about it on my blog. Tonight (January 4th) at youth group, I found myself in an optimistic mood. After all it was the new year. We were light in number but we were a talkative bunch. I love these students as I have loved my former youth. I am excited about this year. I am resolved to study and pray harder for them. It is my hope that the Holy Spirit will infuse them with passion and heart. I am thankful for another year to teach the Scriptures in hope that the Word will change lives. May Jesus ruin our lives again this year!

A good reminder

2008-12-19T23:09:00.001-06:00

Even for us in youth ministry...

The Best of 2008

2008-12-16T13:56:00.003-06:00

Time magazine has their Best of Everything.

So in the spirit of "Best Of's" Here is my Best of 2008!

Best Hope Youth Picture (Group):

Best Hope Youth Picture (Guys Only):

Best Hope Youth Picture (Girls Only):

Best Albums of 2008
1. Rebel - Lecrae
2. The Showdown - Back breaker
3. House of Heroes - The End is not the End
4. Anberlin - New Surrender
5. Chris Tomlin -Hello Love
6. Underoath - Lost in the Sound of Seperation
7. The Classic Crime - The Silver Cord
8. I Am Terrified - EP
9. relientk - The Bird and Bee Sides
10. Passion: God of This City

10 Best Movies of 2008 (that I have seen):
1. The Dark Knight
2. Iron Man
3. No Country for Old Men
4. Leatherheads
5. There Will Be Blood
6. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
7. Kung Fu Panda
8. The Incredible Hulk
9. Gone Baby Gone
10. Be Kind Rewind

Best Books (I read) of 2008:
Vintage Jesus
Ministry Mutiny
Do Hard Things
Young Restless and Reformed
Why We're Not Emergent by Two Guys Who Should Be
The Cross and Christian Ministry
The Irresistible Revolution
Call to Spiritual Reformation

Best YouTube videos I watched:
Butter

BBQ Song:

Done for now...

Merry Christmas, Andy!

2008-12-16T10:46:00.001-06:00

to iphone or not to iphone

2008-12-15T10:11:00.002-06:00

So I may have the means to get an i phone for Christmas. The problem that I have is that I am torn about it. I will use it, and it is superior. But, I just don't know if I "want" one or "need" one. Any one have any thoughts?

Guest Blogging

2008-12-02T14:35:00.002-06:00

For those of you (5 peeps) who actually read my blog, I am guest spotting over at my friend Clint Clifton's blog Dirty Clint. I share a delightful story about Clint and his crazy antics.

Clint Clifton is a friend and brother who inspires me every time I talk with him. He makes me laugh and challenges my low expectations and cynicism. Go check it out and you too might find that you enjoy following the exploits and adventures of Dirty Clint.

Perspective

2008-12-02T14:26:00.002-06:00

A nod to Zach over at Take Your Vitamin Z for calling my attention to...
Timmy Brister

At a time when our attention is unnecessarily drawn the continual division over nonessentials in the SBC, I would like to remind us all of what our brothers and sisters are facing around the world, for instance, like in Orissa, India. They don’t wake up to find what the next comment or blogpost has to say; they wake up to discover who lost their lives for the sake of Christ.

Where 300 villages have been pillaged and plundered, 70,000 Christians have been left homeless, many of them forced to live in the jungles.

4,000 homes have been destroyed.

3,000 people are missing and 77 people have been burned or hacked to death.

450 churches have been burned to the ground.

One Christian worker who was attacked by a mob while praying, said, “It’s like a never-ending nightmare . . . we’re living in constant fear of more attacks.”

The violence in Orissa, according to Voice of the Martyrs, is due to the increasing number of Indians converting to Christianity.

At a time when those of us who either write or read blogs, I felt that it is necessary to call us back to Christianity 1.0 where there’s a cross to carry and a price to pay far greater than anyting we have known in front of a computer screen. Let us pray for our persecuted brothers and sisters, and by their lives, determine to have a right perspective about the gospel, the church, and the kingdom of God where the weight of glory conforms our character and characterizes our conduct as we seek to follow Christ.

Volition

2008-12-02T11:29:00.002-06:00

I just watched this powerful short film. It is well worth your time.

Volition

What I wanted to say (Part 1.B)

2008-10-14T14:12:00.001-05:00

He said it.

What I wanted to say Sunday (Part One)

2008-10-13T23:13:00.005-05:00

Preaching was very difficult for me on Sunday. Preaching from Isaiah 6 is one of my favorite texts. It practically preaches itself. The text was not my issue. I love that text. I wanted to encourage our people to catch the vision of a Holy God. However, my aim was to lead our people to turn from legalism and run from being anti-nomians. I really muddled through it though. I chased some rabbits and did not honor my intent. I really desired to show how much we need the grace of God in light of a Holy God. The same God in Isaiah chapter 6 that the prophet sees and proclaims, "Woe is me!" is the same God that came in the flesh and atones for our sin to make us the righteousness of God. My aim was to encourage our people to walk away with a High view of God and a realistic view of themselves, as sinners saved by grace.

I really struggled with being fearful of men this week. I disguised it to myself as wanting to serve our people. But the truth is that my pride of wanting to impress this week put my preaching into shackles. I was humbled this week by my inability to really connect my points and thoughts. I just did not feel confident in my presentation.

Somethings I really wanted to say...

Jonathan Edwards, In his Resolution #8 said,

Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody has been as vile as I, as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities and failings as others; and I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself and prove only an occasion of confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30

Jesus was talking to his disciples and told them how to keep from being arrogant self righteous jerks:

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.'But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

Jesus contrasted the Pharisee who believed himself to be righteous with the tax collector (read sinner, despised) who humbled himself before the One who could take him out, God. How many times do we look down our noses as Christians and thank God that we are no "like" other men. Last time I checked we ALL fall short. We all fall short of the glory of God. Even though I am justified by faith through grace, I have to wake up every day and preach the Gospel to myself. I have to be what I am. In other words, I am righteous in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21 - For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God)and therefore I have to remind myself that if Christ is my atonement and I am in right standing with the Creator because of the cross of Christ then I have to live in that identity. (Colossians 2:6-15)

Legalism is like thumbing or noses at God. A friend of mine told me that when he was a kid he wanted to help his dad carry in the groceries. He would pick up the heavy bags and because of his pride he would struggle all the way into the house. He would spill the cans out of the bag instead of asking or letting his dad help him. This is us! It's not going to change our Father's love for us if we do or don't do His requirements. But our pride causes us to think that we can do it all on our own. Does God delight in those who obey His laws and keep His commandments? You bet. But we have to know that it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit enabling us to yield and do good works that we are able to anything. Jesus even says that apart from Him we can do nothing. The deeds we do on our own apart from being compelled by love for Him - are filthy, bloody tampons. Gross. But true. When we do things for His glory and from His power we display the great grace of God. When we realize His great mercy on us, the rebels, the enemies of God we acknowledge our inability to do anything good apart from the vine we are given the grace to accomplish his purposes in our life.
Therefore we should also not abuse grace. "May we go on sinning so that grace may abound?" Hell no! (That is the emphatic greek) One of my favorite authors on grace and the disciplines, Jerry Bridges, writes in Transforming Grace, "Those that abuse God's grace for the sake of worldliness has never bore witness to the awesome splendor and majesty that is found in the death of Jesus on the Cross. Grace is never cheap. It is absolutely free to us, but infinitely expensive to God...Anyone who is prone to use grace as a license for irresponsible, sinful behavior, surely does not appreciate the infinite price God paid to give us His grace." When God ceases to be our treasure we are easily inticed by the world and her charms. Consider the famous C.S. Lewis quote:

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

Or John Piper's admonition;

When you become so blind that the maker of galaxies and ruler of nations and knower of all mysteries and lover of our souls becomes boring (emphasis mine), then only one thing is left - the love of the world. For the heart is always restless. It must have its treasure: if not in heaven, then on earth.

Do we love the world, more than we love Jesus? Do we believe Him when He says, "If you love me you will keep my commandments."? His commandments or yoke is not burdensome. They are light. Delight in Him! Love God! Love Others! However, our pride and the love of self is always there isn't it? Evil is right there with me, as Paul would say. We have a great enemy alive inside of us - Indwelling sin. However we must be reminded that we are now the house of the Holy Spirit and He is fighting on our behalf. Then the external enemies supply the internal enemies with weapons. The world and Satan are constantly bonbarding us with temptation and inclinations to sin - to dishonor our beloved King. How do we fight this enemy? With pea shooter regulations, as Dr. Piper calls them? No, we cling to the promise that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. And that when we are the branches and abide in Jesus, He gives us fruit. He enables us to do great things! We must fight along side of our King as well. We must fight! We must kill sin. We must mortify temptation.

“Never let us reckon that our work in contending against sin, in crucifying, mortifying, and subduing of it, is at an end. The place of its habitation is unsearchable; and when we may think that we have thoroughly won the field, there is still some reserve remaining that we saw not, that we knew not of. Many conquerors have been ruined by their carelessness after a victory, and many have been spiritually wounded after great successes against this enemy…There is no way for us to pursue sin in its unsearchable habitation but by being endless in our pursuit.” - John Owen

Look to the cross, and hate your sin, for sin nailed your Well Beloved to the tree. Look up to the cross, and you will kill sin, for the strength of Jesus' love will make you strong to put down your tendencies to sin. - C.H. Spurgeon

So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. Romans 6:11-13

To be continued...

Burned Out District

2008-08-19T11:59:00.002-05:00

There have been several blogs and commentaries regarding the "Lakeland Revival". Last May we were at a graduation ceremony for a Christian home school co-op when one of the graduates exclaimed that we needed to wake up and see God at work and that "there was a revival going on in Florida". I am always skeptical when it comes to charismatic "big tent" revival deals. SO, I was skeptical of the "outpouring" in Florida. Within the last week or so the leader of the meetings has come forward and announced that he is separated from his wife. Regardless of his beliefs in the miracle "business", he needs our prayer, he needed it before this but never the less it is never good when families break up.

There has been an article posted on Charisma magazine's site about the fall out of this guy's abrupt pronouncement. The article includes a hearty look at the discernment of charismatics and the embracing of this "revival" in particular. There are several telling statements. One thing that Andy pointed out to me and just kinda made me frustrated was this:

They sensed something amiss when he wore a T-shirt with a skeleton on it. They wondered why a man of God would cover himself with tattoos.

I find it appalling that this guy is called into question about bones and tattoos, but not terrible theology. There are other really sound arguments that J. Lee Grady makes in his post, however to quote that people had a problem with Bentley because of his tattoos and clothing choices is just sad. The comments are nestled in a larger paragraph that explains how people were reacting to Bentley's statements regarding angelic visitations and tackling people during prayer. I mean, the dude is wacky and so was a lot of what was going on in Florida at the "revival". But why is it that Christians (in particular) have this aversion to people with tattoos and the fashionable sense of skulls and skeletons? I realize that some people's hang ups are do to the stereotyping of people with tattoos being criminals or pirates (when was the last time you saw a real pirate, and Johnny Depp doesn't count). I know godly men who have tattoos. And I know that they love Jesus and are being used by Him to reach others and to glorify Himself with their lives.

John Piper has a great post on his blog about testing revival with doctrine.

Young Men

2008-08-07T15:35:00.004-05:00

One of my duties that I delight in here (at Hope) is I get to disciple young men. Our Guys small group: D-Group, has started back with it's intimacy and intensity. For forty minutes or so these young men have to listen to me rant about something. Last year we dove head long into Biblical Manhood and studied Christian world view. Last night we began a survey of Colossians. We did a run through of chapter one. I emphasized the Gospel that changes lives and produces fruit (Col. 1:4-6), our need for a Savior (v 21) and the truths that Jesus was and is God and that He is the hope of Glory. (vs. 15-20 ; 27). Another truth that stood out was Paul's declaration that through the preaching of the Gospel we fill up what is lacking in Christ's affliction (v 24), namely the proclamation of this Gospel. Passing it on to others, the Good News or the Gospel reaches it's full meaning in the preaching of it. Jesus' death by itself is sufficent and lacking nothing for the salvation of man, however how will anyone ever trust in this sacrifice if they never hear about it? (Romans 10:13-15)

Well, young and older men need to be challenged with proclaiming the Gospel. And even though I agree with Francis of Assisi, that we need to "preach the Gospel and sometimes use words", I am confident that unless we use words that our friends and our enemies will not trust in this great gospel of grace.

"But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." 1 Peter 3:14-16

So prepare yourself by reading this post at the Re:surgence 5 Dangers for Young Men

We have gone to a Dog.

2008-07-30T15:02:00.003-05:00

Kimberly and I just got a dog. He is a yellow lab named Buck. It's short for Buckeye. He was left at someone's house and they already have two yellow labs. So, we heard from a friend that he needed a home. I hope that he likes his new family. We have to get him to the vet and make sure he has all of his shots and everything soon. Here is a photo of him:

Sermon thoughts

2008-07-30T14:54:00.004-05:00

If you haven't listened to my ranting, er preaching from last Sunday and you care to, than you can hear it here. Scroll down and you'll be able to stream it. You may comment or critique it as well, on this blog post if you want.

Also, Moody's Devotion from Monday was on the same passage and is a really good perspective. Some of my friends pointed that out to me on Monday. Check it out here.

I plan on posting some of my thoughts and research that I gathered for the message that I wasn't able to use. I really stink at parring down my info - and I go off on little tangents that I am not sure are always helpful.

Wartime Lifestyle

2008-07-26T18:53:00.002-05:00

Feeling Perplexed

2008-07-23T19:16:00.002-05:00

There are a lot of things swirling around in my brain. Theology, music, injustice, poverty, wealth, Jubilee, wealthy actors and politicians preaching to us about ending poverty when they could sell a couple of houses or cars and make a huge dent in poverty, the church being accused of not being the church (which I think is true in some aspects, but I am tired of hearing all the complaints and just want to see the beauty of the church being the church), "Christian Family Fun" nights that have nothing to do with living out the Gospel in our neighborhoods, how much time is wasted in my day, the art of trying to be in the now and not always thinking about what is next but planning on what is right around the corner, liberal theologians that everybody listens to, Shane Claiborne, professional Christians, the King of Kings, and my lovely wife.

And some wonder why my blog takes so long to be updated. Bret Favre needs to hang it up and not play for the Vikings.

I get to preach Sunday which makes me nervous. There is so much to be said, so much that I want to say. I like when people like me, and so I like when people like my sermons. I want people to be changed (I know that this is the work of Holy Spirit - God). I desire for them to not just file it away as another nice talk. I desire God's voice to be heard through the Scriptures. I desire this in our youth ministry. I think however, that I am too serious for some of our youth. I believe some of them want to have fun in our gathering times. Which, I am not the fun Nazi - I just want the time i spend with them to have eternal significance, even if we are playing kick ball. Some would say, lighten up, man. Others would say, if you don't preach truth then who will? I do not want to entertain youth. I desire to make disciples. I think that can be done in a fun and inspirational way, don't get me wrong. It is a balancing act, this "ministry" thing. I mean, I wonder whether my job is really biblically justifiable. If I am a pastor who works with a certain demographic within our congregation and also fulfilling a pastoral role in other ways than, I am cool with that. But to be a "youth minister/director" than I am not sure I am the right man for the job. I mean, that I want people to encounter Jesus, not fads or me or opinions or the funniest videos or ugg...

I have a hard time living out Christ on my own. I need others to help me along. I need the Scriptures to encourage and exhort and discipline and correct and cut and tear and heal and smash and stab and destroy and alarm and disarm and shut my mouth and put words in my mouth and love and cause me to move. I suck at being a professional Christian. I suck at saying the "right" things and playing politics. I am horrible at making sure I connect to everyone. I think that peace is a good thing, but believe that peace will only come when the Prince of Peace reigns on the earth. I will love my neighbor and my enemy but I will trust that God is not letting the righteous be put to shame. I don't look good in public. I am hairy. There are holes in my actions and motives. There is hope.

Jesus is my righteousness. Jesus is my good. Jesus is working in and through me. Jesus is the hope of Glory. Jesus. My God, My Savior, My Jesus.

God loves the sojourner

2008-06-28T00:11:00.005-05:00

17For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. 18 He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. 19 Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt.

Deuteronomy 10:17-19

God loves the sojourner. God loves the immigrant. Remember that we are immigrants in this land. Our home is a far off country. A country that is inhabited by the praise of the Saints and illuminated by the Glory and Splendor of our God. And yet there are many Christians who rally and protest against the immigrants in our country. What if, as believers of this Great Lord of lords, we welcomed and found ways to help the immigrant? What if we offered guidance on how to become a citizen? What if we fought the cause of the fatherless and the widow in our own neighborhoods? What if?

I have heard several calls for mission trips to Mexico. The question I have is what are we doing about the people who are here at our back doors?

As we are about to celebrate our country's birthday let us remember the plaque on Lady Liberty;

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

I want to be the kind of person that welcomes all people. Believing that I am a sojourner in a foreign land, I must see and treat others as if we are a part of that far off country. No matter how different they may seem or how similar they are. I cannot neglect hospitality where ever I find myself available to be hospitable. That means being present in my mind with those I am listening to. Loving them by simply listening. Could I do this? Is it possible to just listen?

The problem is that I am not good at this sometimes. I find myself not in the moment usually. I seem to always be thinking about the next thing. Whether it is thinking about lunch when someone is talking to me at church. Or thinking about how I can answer them when I am in a deep conversation. Then there are times that I just do not offer space. I think, I have to keep a conversation going. Like it is my obligation to keep talking. It seems silly, but I guess I am not a fan of awkward silence. I think that is because I am not always confident with myself. Pride. I need to repent of my pride.

Pride is another reason we don't welcome the foreigner into our lives, let alone our homes. The pride that feeds the fear that this person might take "our" time or "our" things. What if we viewed our things and our time as REALLY Jesus'? Then the Lord of lords could do with us whatever He liked. Then the pride burns away and gives way to humility - which draws us into the heart of God and causes us to see things and people His way. Perhaps, this is what God truly wants from us. Maybe this is living "missional". And if this is missional and biblical then we need to ask ourselves, how do we do this in our everyday ordinary lives. We have to kill the routine and come out of our caves and risk getting hurt, even killed. Let's not fear those who could take our lives. Let us fear the one who holds our souls.

Let us hope that this awesome and mighty God will stir in us a heart and a desire to be obedient and be kind to the foreigner in our midsts.

Thursday Quotes on Thankfulness

2008-06-26T21:45:00.001-05:00

I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse they did not take my life; third, because although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth because it was I who was robbed, and not I who robbed.

- Matthew Henry

Jacksonville Mission Project Final Dispatch

2008-06-24T00:32:00.002-05:00

16From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:16-21

The past week we have had serious discussions regarding poverty, injustice, social action, racial reconciliation and God's Word. The fact of the matter is that God's Word, over 2,000 times speaks of God being concerned or wanting us to be concerned about these matters. I believe that we came to Jacksonville to serve and we learned that sometimes the best way to serve is to be present. We carried with us the expectation of Christ and we saw Jesus everywhere here.

The final day of being "on mission" was a beach.

Literally we went to the beach. Some might ask how this has been "suffering for Jesus" or doing missions. Well, we were educated this week that living missional isn't always about fixing up houses, or construction projects. We now think of how we can love people where they are and meet their needs by getting to know them and playing or just being with them. Hanging out with each other helped us discover that we are a lot alike. We all need a Saviour's grace and the Father's love. At the cross their is no Jew or Gentile, white or black, urban or suburban, rich or poor, we are all found needing the Gospel which is the power of salvation.

Our final day of decompression, Saturday, was the most difficult. Some of us were grumpy from a lack of rest, while others were just plain selfish. We all concluded that the day we spent on ourselves was the hardest day to get along and love one another. However, it was capped off by a hip-hop show from Reach Life Ministries.

The 1-1- Six clique was Gospel saturated in their flows and hooks. And it even got a few of us white folks dancing and bobbing our heads. The Gospel was presented clearly and culturally infused as they laid down Biblical truth in a culturally relevant form.

We are ready to make our journey back home, with more stories to share, hearts that are full, heads that are eager to learn more. God is sovereign and merciful and this is just the beginning. We hope that you will challenge us to not go back to sleep and we hope to challenge you to join in as we continue Jesus' mission for our lives.

Thank you for praying for us. We have many stories to share. See you soon Hope Church!

Mission Project: Jacksonville Day Four

2008-06-24T00:15:00.003-05:00

Guest Blogger Michael Hays:

For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. 'Why have we fasted' they say, 'and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?' Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers…Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter?

-Isaiah 58:2-3, 6-7a

Today we had the opportunity to participate in that true kind of fasting—a purposeful decision to serve others with Christ's love. This morning our personal devotions centered on the essence of pure fasting. It is not merely an abstinence program coupled with prayer; it must also be accompanied by action. Reading from the 58th chapter of Isaiah revealed several things: the Israelites fasted with great sorrow and humbleness, yet God rejected their pleas because they still hung onto injustices that unfairly benefited themselves. Further verses expound of what God expects of the penitent seeker of His heart. Many speak of freeing the oppressed and assisting the poor. This proved to be an excellent source of contemplation as we engaged in the day's first tasks.

The main order of business this morning was to finish the cleanup efforts along the block, and corner of 24th and Pearl. After dividing into several work crews, our group set out to "Do Work".

Much of the remaining work was to restore the curbs to a respectable appearance, made difficult by years' worth of overhanging grass. Furthermore, sediment had accumulated along the curb and in the entrances to several driveways. A great many bags of dirt and grass were scraped and shoveled from sidewalks and the gutters. Another main work area was a nearby firehouse that 2nd Mile Ministry uses to host their youth group. A large pile of leaves had to be shoveled up and the yard needed to be cut.

This was made difficult because the lawnmower has apparently gone to the big lawn in the sky (probable cause: a mix up resulted in a gas/oil mixture being mistakenly placed in it). This, however, was not too daunting of a task for one Brian Metz, wielder of a weed whacker. Sheer manliness soon devoured the offending stalks of grass, relegating them to the ground in submission. The heat was still an issue of concern, but was combated with water and sunscreen. The fatigue that had been building over the course of the mission project was also a limiter on productivity, but, once again, the group pulled through to complete the task at hand by lunchtime. It was encouraging to see the stark improvement in the cleanliness of the neighborhood from when we first arrived. Sidewalks and yards overgrown with weeds and trash have been replaced with defined edges and trimmed grass. And far more importantly, our efforts today have hopefully opened doors for 2nd Mile to more effectively reach the residents of this neighborhood.

The completion of the cleanup project was certainly a cause for much rejoicing amongst the ranks of our team. Yet that victory's sweet taste was soon rivaled by the sweet taste of watermelon for lunch (God definitely had something going when He created watermelon). Though post-lunch drowsiness was an inescapable consequence of hard work and a good meal, we were still able participate in more passionate worship and further discussion of racial and poverty issues.

Evanda (aka Jolly) shared some of his testimony with the group, telling of his upbringing in the 'hood in New Orleans. While he underwent many struggles and temptations, he found the Lord through the ministry of Castle Rock Church. This is the same church that members of our youth group and many others partnered with in 2006 to help get the area back on its feet in the lingering aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It was encouraging to hear about how the influence of his older brothers (one is now youth pastor at Castle Rock) and the church helped expose him to the changing power of Christ's forgiveness and love. He said that the original reason he got exposed to the ministry at Castle Rock is because they hosted basketball games in a court adjacent to the building. This helped put some of our previous activities on this mission project into perspective. While playing games like football and basketball, or hanging out at the pool may seem pointless or even lazy, God could very well use those opportunities to begin to draw people from this neighborhood towards Himself.

Later, in the evening, we gathered alongside the local youth group for their weekly Bible study at the fire station. We once again engaged in heated basketball games prior to the actual meeting. Brian delivered a message from the story of Jesus and the blind man, culminating in a summation of the salvation story. The time afterwards soon took a drastic turn downhill when a peripheral member of their youth group began getting too violent. Though this somewhat shocked us to have to leave so early, it ended up bringing up some pertinent issues. Brian called a meeting to debrief and discuss our ministry and its impact so far. This was a good time for people to share a bit of what God has been doing in each of our lives. A member of 2nd mile's youth group took the opportunity to pour out pent up emotions of hopelessness from the seemingly unbreakable hold that sin has over his friends and the community as a whole. The Lord gave us this opportunity to encourage our brother in the faith and hopefully spur him on towards further good works through our Savior. It was clear that he has a real heart for those without Christ, particularly one of his good friends—the one who had disrupted the bible study earlier in the evening. We were able to pray over our brother, and would like to request prayer from you for him and this community. Many strongholds exist, yet they are but smoke and dust compared to the healing power that is found in the blood of Christ. May His name continue to be proclaimed in Jacksonville, long after our time here has come to an end.

On a note that warrants much rejoicing, an eleven year old girl named Mikeasha came to the Lord today. She has many miles to travel in her faith, but she has taken that first and most vital step of trust. Praise God!!

Mission Project: Jacksonville Day Two

2008-06-19T00:10:00.002-05:00

Guest Blogger: Kimberly Metz

Well, it's the end of our 2nd day here. It was an eventful day. We got up early to eat breakfast and then headed out to clean up the neighborhood. The girls and I were on garbage duty and the boys were on lawn duty. The boy's weed-whacked, mowed and cleaned up the yard(s) around the house we are staying in. They worked and sweated for hours. We (the girls) went to a park that was close by to clean up. Then we started walking down the road to pick up trash. We met a lady yesterday who told us about some trash around her house that she wanted us to pick up, so we went there. That was quite an adventure! It included used cat litter, dirty diapers, thousands of maggots, large red ants eating those maggots, spiders, roaches, and one loan cricket. Gross! But the girls were real troopers. They dug in (literally) and we got the job done. What I have seen over and over with these teenagers is that all we have to do is give them an opportunity to serve or work and they just run with it. I am so impressed with them. I can say that because it has nothing to do with me, it is who they are. We had free time tonight and the girls and I went to Wal-Mart (of course). The boys played Frisbee in the street (it's okay, they do that here) and spades. After the girls got back from Wal-Mart, we walked through the neighborhood with some of the kids we met yesterday. I thought of when we arrived on Sunday, and this place seemed so foreign and scary. Now, there are faces that are familiar, street names we recognize, and have already begun to love it! Jessie ended up getting her hair braided by one of the girls from the neighborhood, and Bekah fed ice cream to a little 2 year old boy who wouldn't say a word, but had amazing eyes and could light up the room with his smile when we tickled him. He fell asleep in Jamie's arms who didn't want him to go home. What a great day. God is at work here. How 'bout them Celtics!!

Mission Project: Jacksonville Day One

2008-06-17T18:54:00.003-05:00

You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha... *thunk*

The other classic blunder is to think that writing a blog at 11 PM, after a day of hot sun and sports with the neighborhood kids is an easy task. The truth is that I fell asleep waiting for the pictures to upload on Flickr last night. So don't try to write in bed when you are tired either.

Yesterday saw the arrival of our super tall friend Zach. He finally made it to J-ville after flying from Birmingham. We were all excited to greet Zach. He only missed a small amount of our activities. Monday morning greeted us with cereal and a devotion on Ezekiel 16. The passage challenges us to truly love God and to not play the whore who gives herself, or pays men to be with her. In this passage one cannot help to be convicted about our lack of pure love toward our Saviour.

"We went to the pool and talked to kids, you know like, when they were all cool, like you know Jeremiah and then, totally we went swimming at the pool and then random kids came up and dunked us while chicken fighting with, you know like, us and then we like we walked home and after that more stuff like you know sitting around so that we had to go to like you know this huge park where we like played football and they are like really passionate about football, like you know that one guy Sammy, who you know was like you know playing tackle, hardcore but like it was really cool and they were really passing to the white kids and like stuff with the girls like playing happy hands and like dancing."

The Above paragraph was quoted verbatim by Andrew Murphy, who seems to be really, like, euphoric about his experience thus far.

Seriously, folks, Monday was acclimation day as we kept our schedule full of "fun" things that introduced us to some of the neighborhood kids. The purpose of this of course was for us to begin the implementation of the intentional relationship building that is integral to our ministry here on 24th street. We are living in a house that is viewed almost like a community house, in that the youth in the community come and visit at their leisure. The boundaries, which all of the community youth seem to not only know, but respect and follow willingly, are knocking and asking for permission to use or do things in the house. This provides our hosts opportunities to share Christ in community and to be a safe place on the block. In the early afternoon, we had the opportunity to meet our neighbors in the friendly confines of the public swimming pool. We proved to be great "tall" bases for young kids to chicken fight in the water. Needless to say some of us left the pool a bit on the water logged side. So after swimming for only forty-five minutes we headed back to the house. The walk is a mere few blocks and with all of us sticking together we look rather out of place. A large group of white kids in the middle of the 'hood certainly raises the attention of people (more on that later).

Miss Ruth, our leader here in Jacksonville, has been leading us in thought provoking discussion on race, poverty, and justice. Our first discussion dealt with understanding how what we value (relationships, things, etc.) is a good indicator of our social class. We generally exhibited the desires of middle class society (no surprise). However, Kimberly and I, tested positive for poverty instincts (youth pastors usually do). Intrinsically what we value, how we spend or use our money, how we view education, and even how we project our future plans is ripe with our social class. Our environment plays a key role in our perceived attitude toward a host of social responses. Things we take for granted in our social demographic, often are unthinkable of in poverty level demographics. Not to mention the racial divide that perpetuates differentiated social strata. More on that later.

After lunch we walked a few more blocks to a playground/park that is adjacent to the NFL youth center. It's the brightest building in the neighborhood, functioning as a Boys and Girls Club. We showed up at the playground's basketball court with a bag of various sports balls. Some of us took to the basketball court, while others started a game of kickball in the adjacent yard. Some of our guys started up a game of football that was quickly joined by some of the most passionate athletes that would have put the Clardy's heart for Alabama football to the test. The basketball court became like a honey comb of excitement as guys came out of nowhere to put their pride on the line in an extremely intense competition of epic proportions. We learned very quickly that even some lanky white guys can hold their own against some of the best ballers any of us had ever witnessed (or at least the best talkers). They became more inviting as we gained their respect by hustling and playing with fervor. After several full court games we all were ready to head back to the house to take showers and have some dinner. We were joined by several of the neighborhood youth, who enjoyed our conversation and the lasagna (mostly the lasagna).

As bed time approached it was met with great anticipation and silent rejoicing as we all soon fell fast asleep.

Mission Dispatch: Travel Day

2008-06-15T22:09:00.003-05:00

They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums... drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out... they are coming.

Actually, we are all smiles and laughter as travel day went splendidly. We are bananas for each other as there was a plethora of games, conversation and naps along the way. Oddly enough the young men were the first to ask for a bathroom break as Andrew Murphy requested the first stoppage in travel. This of course offered us the serendipitous opportunity for our first kidnapped Martin Luther photo op.

There would be many more bathroom breaks, many more. We stopped in the sprawling berg of Albany, GA for some hot Firehouse Subs (R) and yet another hostage photo op courtesy of Jasmine.

A few more "potty" breaks later and we were in Florida cozying up to "Big AL" and waiting in line for cheap gas that we did not receive because they were running out. This of course was at the same exit as $3 books! Which we all had to peruse. There were 40 billion of the same book for 99 cents (I exaggerate about the number because we all know the largest book store is in Dale Anton's third favorite state Wisconsin). Many books were to be had as well as another "potty" break however some of us found the book store more rewarding than others.

We are finally at the house in Jacksonville, where our hosts have been affectionate and hospitable. We met Ruth, Evander and Sammy (who is pulling for the Lakers in tonights Finals), and had a meal with them (*singing: Sloppy Joes, Slop-Slop-Sloppy Joes!). We hope to meet more people in the community in next few days. Ruth went over the rules and gave us the skinny on all of the things that are happening here in the neighborhood. All of us are extremely excited about the adventure that awaits us. But now it is time for everyone to lay their heads down for sleepy time. Good Night and Go Celtics!

Win a shopping Spree

2008-05-21T15:39:00.000-05:00

Drive Thru Church

2008-05-20T17:05:00.000-05:00

I got a golden ticket

2008-05-13T12:56:00.001-05:00

But Seriously Folks

2008-04-08T10:53:00.006-05:00

Buying a House

Kimberly and I are closing on our house on Monday. And as I sit here stealing a few moments at my Mom's restaurant in Tennessee, while she handles some business, I am thinking about how huge this really is. It is really about the Lord. Yahweh - you know the Creator, the Sustainer, the Provider, the King of Kings. Abba, Father - my daddy and yet Awesome God of the universe - has made this possible. Two years ago when we left our dreams in Boston, and once again stepped out of the boat to see how to walk on the water, we would have never dreamed of being in a stable environment, at a loving church serving Him by serving students. There is this surreal sense that this is too good to be true. We struggled with the idea of purchasing a house (it's not a home quite yet). One reason, is that we didn't know if we could afford it. Another is that we weren't sure if owning a house was the best decision given our vulnerability to moving. However, the truth is that no one can afford a house, it's just something you either pay someone else to live in their dwelling or you actually put your money where you may get something in return. It's kinda risky, but it's good risky. As for moving, I don't think that is going to happen for a long time. We like Huntsville/Madison. We like her people. We love our church. Things are beginning to settle in and fit for us.
So, we are about to begin making payments on a big responsibility. But for me and for Kimberly we have come to realize that God is blessing us with an opportunity to be hospitable and to show the love of Christ. We believe that this house gives us the flexibility to become missionaries in our neighborhood. By being good neighbors and by inviting others to enjoy the blessing. It's almost become a cliche' but we are being blessed to be a blessing. This is really what God's heart is for His people. God has been in covenant with His people to spread His blessing through out the earth. (Genesis 17) But being the Christian Hedonist that I am, I believe that God, who is my joy and my treasure is solely the motivator of my true happiness (blessing). 'Bless' in the Greek means to give a good word, it's what we derive our English word 'eulogy' from which means literally "good word". So when someone gives an eulogy they are giving a good word about a person. Which is interesting in the sense that we then are being given a "good word" when God blesses us. He speaks to us a good word - perhaps that good word is the gospel. I mean if everything is to be seen through the lens of the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ, then this house (blessing) was purchased at the cross of Christ. It's good, namely because God's gift of His Son is good. So I treasure not my house most supremely, I treasure Jesus and His cross supremely. Out of that flows my gratitude for a house. St. Augustine said, "He loves thee too little who loves anything together with thee which he loves not for thy sake." So in order to love my house I love it in loving God more by using it to love God more by loving others.

Pray for my Mom, she is making some tough decisions. I am trying to help her through them.

Yo Joe!

2008-03-24T16:07:00.002-05:00

Yeah this makes me excited. It could be great or it could really be a HUGE let down. The pictures of Snake Eyes look spot on.

thoughts on the resurrection and "the scene"

2008-03-23T00:31:00.002-05:00

Thanks for frequenting my blog - the two of you (I know if I would only write more). I have been meaning to write about a great many things, one being how I felt when I saw the new Indiana Jones movie trailer (AH-MAZE-ZING). But, maybe that is better for some other post.

On the Resurrection I have been thinking about the Resurrection - it being the evening before Easter (the Sunday when we celebrate the blessed resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ). A news woman said that this is a very religious time for the Christian calendar. I found it odd, in my Christian mind, that she said it this way. I suppose for those outside of the Faith, this is just another day. No different than say some day in August. For us, though we celebrate the hope of one day we too shall join our King in the resurrection of the dead, and those in Christ shall rise. The resurrection is still hotly debated, however. I saw briefly a "History" Channel documentary on "the real Jesus", (they like to run these around this time of the year). They throw out these sweeping statements like, "scholars are now saying that Jesus may never this or that..." Or they say, "new evidence let's us uncover the real meaning of the Gospels." The best to me is that they always want to claim the Gospels were written 40+ years after the death and resurrection. Which most scholars who are worth their weight will tell us that the Gospels were written down no more than 10 years after the events took place. Plus you have Paul's writings. I find my faith strengthened around this time of the year. And it never comes from a "History" Channel documentary.

About the Scene
I helped with a "show" tonight. Punk and hardcore screamo bands mixing it up at Insanity Skate Park. I am not really into the "scene" (the music/lifestyle scene). I mean I don't dress like a scene kid. My hair isn't long and styled girlish. I respect some aspects of the scene. It really is a longing for community. Community that is substantial to some because there is shared experience. But to be honest some aspects of the hardcore music scene and even the Christian hardcore scene is left wanting.
Tonight when some of the brothers shared their love for Jesus, some - if not most - were out right mocking, not just them but the name of Jesus. Saying to one another in a sing song preacherly tone "JEE-ZUS!" On one hand I was upset and on the other I was excited. Upset, because young men and women were mocking the Lord that some of them profess at times of convenience. Excited because lost sinners were hearing the name of Jesus. Even though they were talking over the lead singers and being all showy in their disdain for "shout outs" to Jesus, they cannot come to the judgment and ask "why didn't my friends tell me about JESUS?"

The scene is very much an ego driven thing. And when you have bands who actually get that there is only one name that is to receive glory, honor and praise - there is going to be push back. It's interesting to me as a youth pastor to see young men in their late teens, early twenties who are traveling in a band and start out as "sold out" Christians, and then because of "road woes" leave their faith. With no Christian community besides the guys that you travel, eat, play, sleep, fight and hope for shows with there can be a vacuum that forms in their discipleship. It's understandable, but sad. This is another reason I get passionate about the local church and our involvement there in. I mean, some Christians starve themselves from being in the body of Christ. No fellowship, accountability (which is not a bad word), and no corporate worship tends to shrivel up the life of the fruit that we are to bear. I have had friends who have been in bands and this is the thing that most of them struggle with. They tend to become either inflated (ego) or they become jaded and give up. I wonder how the church is caring for these Road Warriors. Are we using them for their product? Consuming them and making them quasi-rock stars or are we caring for them and calling them to abide in Jesus? For the scene kids that crave belonging - look to Jesus.

The scene is not lacking in shepherds - it's just too bad that it's not always the Good Shepherd.

I guess what I am feeling about these young people is like what Jesus felt in His last week when came into Jerusalem and he saw the people who were like sheep without a shepherd and he wept. So for the scene kids and "rock stars" - I weep. For those guys and gals who are out there "standing firm" - my hope is that they will stay strong and encouraged in the faith. May Jesus make Himself known.

From Death to Life

2007-12-20T16:34:00.000-06:00

We had a youth retreat a couple of weekends ago. Here are the highlights:

The Browns and Hope

2007-12-13T16:43:00.000-06:00

This past summer I got to go to Ohio. I saw the Indians get beat by the Tigers and then the next day a dream came true. I have been a Cleveland Sports fan for as long as I can remember. Particularly I am a Browns fan. We are hard to come by in Alabama, which I now call home. The dream was going to the Pro Football Hall of Fame with my Dad and then to Browns training camp. I have been to the HoF before and it is pretty cool. But there is something about seeing the team that you grew up cheering for, the colors, the logos on everyone and everything. There was a sense of belonging. There was the feeling that I wasn't that crazy - rooting for a team that hasn't played for a championship in over five decades leaves you with thoughts that you ought to be locked up. We aren't supposed to be 8-5 this season with the potential to go 11-5. It is kinda scary. It's like that wonderful terrifying experience of being on the roller coaster and climbing to the top of the hill - you are not sure which way this could end up - in the Lake or a thrilling, screaming, ride o' death.

Being a Browns fan has taught me a great deal about the spiritual disciplines. I truly believe that. God is growing His Fruit in me through patience, faithfulness and self-control. Patience to stay with them through the lean years and the non-existing years. Faithfulness to not be dragged away by other charming suitors (Colts, Packers, Jaguars). And self-control by not punching or cussing when they lose big.

I am a Browns fan and I have hope. I hope that we win Sunday.

POST 45

2007-12-06T10:49:00.000-06:00

We have been dialogging on Wednesday Men's Lunch about the church. Most recently we spoke of the church and culture. There is this interview that Mark Driscoll does with Dick Staub on youtube. I think the guys would profit from watching it.

This is Part 1a -

I {heart} books.

2007-12-05T10:13:00.001-06:00

I love books. These books I purchased or received while attending the National Youth Workers Convention in Atlanta.

From Death to Life and On Being Obese...

2007-12-04T18:18:00.001-06:00

We made it back from the Elk River Lodge in one piece. I have to say that this was a very rewarding retreat. We were well fed, both physically and spiritually. The theme was "From Death to Life" - Awakening to Our Lives in Christ. I think that the retreat was really great. I was excited about our students being exposed to my friend, Jason Minter's teaching and the opportunity for all of them to worship. We have a student led worship team and I love it - so it is good for those students to be led as opposed to having to lead. It was a plus that Wesley and his lovely wife Monica - whose name I kept forgetting, are exceptional worshipers. They led out of their own worship. Jason's teaching was very rich and challenging. He challenged our students from the very beginning. Either you are a follower of Jesus or you follow Satan - it was pretty cut and dry. I think that the students were captured by that thought. It was powerful.
Saturday moved to a more light hearted joyous (Life) approach. We were still contemplating Jesus' death for us but, it was out of that death that we have life and it was resonating with most of us. The worship sets that Wes put together were right on line with the teaching. It was so awesome to see God's handy work in that. The songs were well done and the students really got into the worship. After the third session we watched "Invisible Children". It was powerful and moving. I think that some of our students were convicted about their apathy towards things. It was a great challenge for them to move out past being "good" and into a role of activism. Owning their faith in order to make a difference here and now with those who are created in god's image. Invisible Children is gripping and graphic. It follows three young Californians as they search for a story in the Sudan and wind up with one in Northern Uganda. You can check it out at their web-site. We hope to get more involved in the coming year.

We had lots of fun playing the games James had for us. There was a little too much nature that Joel Bridges stumbled upon in the woods near us - thank God that the students did not do the stumbling. We had a couple of minor pranks but nothing earthshaking. They were actually well behaved and our guys and gals were cooperative and engaging. We wrapped up on Sunday and headed home. It seemed like everyone had a spectacular time.

On Being Obese.
Yeah I said it. I am obese. I looked at some recent pictures of me and I am ashamed of myself. I guess I really ought to cut back on the Cheeseburgers, oh and go run. Do NOT FEED the BEAR!

NYWC - from the eyes of METZ

2007-11-26T19:57:00.000-06:00

National Youth Workers Convention in Atlanta has been blogged about in several places. It has had a thorough going over by those close to it and those from a distance. So my take shall be a bit more personal. When I arrived in Atlanta, I couldn't believe how easy it was to find my hotel. When I found the DAYS INN downtown, I called up my good friend Mike Godfrey. He had already checked us in and was eager to head on over to the Georgia World Congress Center in order to check-in at Youth Specialties and begin perusing the exhibit hall's booths and attractions. The walk is several blocks but worth it because they were charging 20 bucks to park near the GWCC. The exhibit hall is full of well meaning and sometimes over zealous "ministries". They all seem friendly and helpful but it smacks of consumerism and salesmanship. There are several "adventure" missions, urban missions, rural missions, beach missions, hell missions, - you name it they have a way to organize your team to "GO!" There are publishers there, and they are all trying to sell you there Bible study or there curriculum. Some of this is a good thing, in that we get better studies each year as the competition mounts. However, I wonder if these brothers and sisters would do more good if they joined forces. But whatever. We ended up at Jock's and Jill's Sports Bar and Grill near the CNN Center (Excellent pulled pork sandwich). We chatted about sports and things and began casually talking about the Emergent vs emerging debate. We laughed about silly things and reminisced about college days. We ended up staying up too late talking about the past couple of years that we hadn't seen each other.
You have to understand something, Mike and I are the type of friends that pick up as if we haven't been away from each other. We just needed to fill in some blanks. I honestly, laughed harder and longer than I have for some time.
We woke up the next morning eager to see what the day was going to bring. I woke up without the alarm, which if you know me at all is unusual. I woke up thinking about the journey. The word kept rolling over in my mind until I couldn't sleep anymore. I woke up and took a shower and I couldn't get it out of my head. Journey is a big word for me. Ever since I read Alister McGrath's out of print book, the Journey. I identified so well with the book's theme of the Christian's life as a journey. One that we take not alone but together. From the Exodus to the missionary journey's of Paul, I just see our life's journey being lived out with each other and not alone. But, back to Atlanta. Mike and I got dressed realized we were running late and headed off for our morning jaunt to the early break out session. We made it in time for me to run into an old professor of mine. Dr. Allen Jackson, is the professor of Youth Education at NOBTS. I took a class with him at Graceville where I went to college. I could not believe he remembered me. He remembered my situation at the time (I was working at a UMC in Dothan, AL). He remembered that I was struggling with the idea of working at a Methodist church. That was weird. He's a great guy, and actually asked if I was ever going to go to seminary.
Friday, had Andy Stanley at the first General Session with Desperation Band. It was ok, but nothing really earth shaking. Flatfoot 56 could have gone on longer and it would have been a better first general session. The comedians and entertainment was decent but it seemed out of place even at the YS convention.That evening was powerful however. I gained a renewed appreciation for Third Day and Shane Claiborne was outstanding. He nailed an indictment on the wall with his fire breathing, back flip and then reading of the "greatest sermon ever given". I was stirred by Jesus' words - so clear and yet so twisted in our culture. Shane read it in his slow draw that made it seem authentic and genuine. It wasn't Bible for show, it was Bible for Bible's sake. Beautiful and scandalous - Tic Long gave space at the end and actually prayed what I thought - "is this guy 'just' going to read the Bible?" OUCH. Why did I think that? Did he really have something better?

Saturday, I did what they say to do - I stayed in my room and relaxed - for the most part (Andy texted me about him watching the Buckeyes game - he watched the Illinois game with me which we lost). I watched Ohio State boringly kick Michigan's tail. Four straight years of Tressel triumph. It felt good. We were joined by our good friend Billy Poyner. Who livened up the day with his wit and gruff voice. Mike made it back to the room for the second half. This being his first NYWC he actually went to the General Session and breakout time with Studentlife. Of course there was controversy in the General Session with Phyllis Tickle representin'. I wasn't there so I really can't speak of the craziness that people have already jabbered about. But I heard it was no different than the article posted at Out of Ur in March of this year. After a nap, Mike and I headed to the GWCC. This time to meet back up with Billy and to see if I actually had won some CD's (I did).

Mike ended up winning two trips down the Nantahala. Sweet for him. General Session 4 was by far the best for me. Louie preached passionately, Chris Tomlin was at his best and Family Force 5 well, they were Family Force 5. Louie's message hit home for me. The thought that Jesus has brought Peace and yet there is trouble is this wonderful paradox that my life has been soaked in.

Sunday gave us the inspiration of Doug Fields. He spoke on something that you just don't hear about at most youth minister's gatherings but it is a culture that is soaked in it; ENVY (no not Jack Black and Ben Stiller's not so funny comedy of the same name). He delivered a message that challenged and provoked my thinking and had been the theme for some of Mike and I's talks. It was so good I purchased the CD to listen to it again. Doug spoke about Joseph's brother's and Joseph's coat of many colors. How the brother's envied Joseph and their father's love for Joseph. It hit me hard because I had been struggling with all of the ways I feel like I don't measure up and our youth ministry isn't as flashy as some others. It was refreshing to hear a guy like Doug, who has youth pastored with Rick Warren. He said he didn't struggle with Warren's popularity but he struggled with being envious of other youth ministries. He illustrated the whole thing with a coat that he turned inside out to reveal that it was white and he then he spoke of our robes of righteousness that God will give us - that it is about doing your best for Him and not for others. It was a great session for me. David Crowder then lead us in worship. I always feel like I haven't gotten enough Crowder when he does YS. He and the band are so good. He encored with the Fox NFL theme. Which of course led me to desire to go watch my Browns beat the Ravens! It was dramatic with a bizarre field goal by Phil Dawson and then and awesome overtime performance by the Browns. It was a great day.

I spent some time with my friend Dusty and his wife Stephanie. Our other friend B.A. Waters came to dinner with us at this very ritzy southern cooking restaurant. It was weird. I mean, I can get Fried Chicken cheaper and with a much more country style atmosphere than what they offered to us. It was different which is what Dusty likes! We walked to the hotel to get Mike and then strolled to the GWCC for General Session 6. Marquis Laughlin was amazing. One of the camera guys fell down during his performance but was ok. Leeland stole the show. They were brilliant musically and very genuine in there spirituality. Steve Fee lead a worship set. The Skit guys were hilarious.

One thing that stood out about the General Sessions was the sign language interpreters. There was one in particular who helped even those with hearing to worship passionately - she really got into it.

Sunday's last General Session gave us Marko. I have to admit that I went into the weekend skeptical of Marko. He is a board member of Emergent Village. I find myself closer to Mark Driscoll on things about the Emerging Church. But I prayed and asked God to give me a discerning spirit and keep me from a critical one. I was challenged by Marko's talk. It was a good observation of Youth Ministry and I appreciated his insights. Well, we left early to get a head start and Mike and I walked back to our cars reflecting on the weekend and pacing ourselves as to milk as much time as we possibly could. We prayed together and then headed out.

My time with my friend Mike was uplifting and encouraging. It was good to be around him. He has such a wealth of knowledge regarding music and the Word. I believe he is going to have great success in youth ministry. He is passionate and loves Jesus. Mike also knows how to discern his culture and dissect the Scriptures in his life and ministry.

Another good NYWC. It was fun and relaxing. It was challenging and at the same time enjoyable.

LOST in the sickness

2007-11-26T19:36:00.000-06:00

I have been sick for about two and a half days. In those two and a half days I have been in and out of consciousness. Kimberly and I have been re-watching LOST Season 2. I rediscovered why I like LOST so much. There was mystery and there was personal connection with the characters. Even the o' so long jaunt with the tailies was fun and adventurous. It was weird watching "Henry" (Ben) lay his weirdness down, when you already know who he is. It made me sad to think that at the end of season 3, our Charlie dies. His role in Season 2 was humorous and fun loving and yet he was dealing with the heroin issue. He was dealing with the loss of relationship with Claire and had some weird dreams. Season 2 brought us closer to Hurley and what makes him so complicated and not just the "fat guy". Hugo is my favorite. He says 'dude' a lot, which I identify with.

Locke is LOST's most intriguing character to me. He is complex and you often come away thinking that you have no idea what he is really going to do next.

I really am sad that this show will not be on until next year, if then due to the writer's strike.

Being sick stinks. I lose track of the time and what day it really is. I fall asleep at random times and I just do not want to get out of bed. But then bed becomes unfriendly and uncomfortable. Coughing and sneezing and wishing I had a Sonic Strawberry Real Fruit slush, I hope to get lots of work done tomorrow on the retreat that is this weekend.

0 Comments and Still Going Strong...

2007-09-24T15:50:00.000-05:00

Read some books. And comment on my site. Would it kill ya?

The Tent

2007-09-20T13:12:00.000-05:00

I have been camping a few times in my life. I have camped in the back yard, I have camped in the forest, I have camped in the woods (which is quite different then the forest) and I have camped in professional camping areas (camp grounds, with electricity hook ups and bathrooms with toilets). I have camped. I have slept in tents, RVs, just the sleeping bag, outside under the stars, with tons of people in one tent and with just me in a tent. As a kid, my cousin and I would drag almost all of his toys out to the backyard tent and try to sleep with the G.I. Joes doing battle all around us.
Sleeping in a tent is fun for a night, maybe even a couple of nights. But soon you begin to feel awkward and dirty. Usually you get sweaty and gross because you can't sleep past sun up. Then there is the fact that you have to keep the rain cover on because you don't want to be caught with out it.

I like camping in a tent. I don't love it. My wife thinks it's the greatest thing since hammocks. But, that is another blog for another day.

The point to all of this is that in the New Testament book of 2 Corinthians, Paul writes this:

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

The Tent therefore is not a permanent thing. It is not designed for permanency. However, as Paul is so eloquent in pointing out, there are things that are permanent.
Only one life, Twill soon be past;
Only what's done for Christ will last.

Our bodies are made for the Lord and so therefore we must glorify God with our bodies. Yeah, that means me the fat kid needs to pay attention to what I eat. I need to exercise, all of that. But more importantly I need to fill my mind and my heart with the Word of God. With the teachings of Jesus. To have a more abundant life, I need only to spend time with Jesus.

The Struggle of Being in a Family

2007-09-10T13:59:00.000-05:00

My mom's dad and husband (my grandpa and my step-dad) were both killed in an accident a little over a year ago. That accident changed a lot of people's worlds. Since that accident, Kimberly and I have left Boston, lived in Tennessee, Irving, Texas and now in Madison, Alabama. Beyond geographical locations we have been changing as well. This blog isn't about me though. It is about my Mom. She is lonely. My Mom is 51 and she is alone. She and my sister are not on good terms. Mainly because each wants something from the other without real consideration of the other's feelings. My mom has just recently been calling me and ranting about how no one cares about her. She goes on, very angrily about how her family (I am included) has left her and does not want anything to do with her. She has stated over and over again that a person who says they love her would not leave her the way she is. One problem is that my Mom thinks that she has changed. She thinks that because she has read some books on forgiveness and understands those words she has forgiven. She also, functions out of a need to be right. Now, I admit some of that comes from her very German background but, mostly it comes out of the unredeemed flesh. I am writing all of this because I do not know what to do. My heart longs to make things right for her and with her. My desire is to see her healthy and able to function. However, day after day she keeps doing the same things expecting different results. She doesn't listen, she only talks and if you disagree with her she thinks it is you that has the problem. I want the Lord to change her heart. I desire for Jesus to be real to her. But, I know that I can not be the seed planter. I know that my watering attempts are futile. So, I pray for other laborers. Please, Jesus send my Mom some believers!

Relax

2007-07-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

It seems that I am too uptight. I worry too much and I basically don't need to. I guess I am too serious as well. I don't know why. I mean I have fun but it seems like others say I am really distracted and often come across like I don't care by not listening to them. I think all of it stems back to the fact that I am lazy and do not get the things I need to get done, done so I end up worrying needlessly about things that usually aren't that big of a deal. So now I think I will just learn to relax. I am weird, I know.

Relaxing isn't easy when my mind is in 50,000 places. I think about different scenarios in my head on if I say a certain thing to someone, what would be the possible outcomes. Or, if I do this or that I will not be doing this or that and what are the consequences or drawbacks or goodness that can come from things. I am lame, but that is me. And hopefully I am constantly changing and growing and become something else. Hopefully.

Relax.

CONSUMER = ME

2007-06-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

I am a consumer. I consume things. I am not much of an artist, a creator, or whatever. I mean I have some creativity. I like to think that I can draw or create some poetry or write but when it comes down to it, I consume. I eat movies. I swallow up music. I buy books and sometimes glance at them on my IKEA bookshelves. I want to make time to give back. I want to write heavy, weighty, and intelligent things, I do. The problem is that I usually just write about internal struggles and the dilemmas I have. Like now, this little observation of myself being frustrated with being a consumer. I think some of it comes from being slothful. My head is full of so many things I want to do. Things in youth ministry and things with the church. Things with my wife and many things that I want to have time to do myself. I get so busy thinking about these things that often times I lock up and don't do anything. It's like I can't focus my mind on tasks and therefore I keep getting frustrated because I don't accomplish the things I want to get done. It's weird. I know, it sounds like I need meds. I don't think I do, I just gotta get things done. Speaking of getting things done, I have to finish watching this movie.

ALABAMA

2007-05-10T15:16:00.000-05:00

We are in Madison! Well, we made it. I have been gradually been working at the church getting things set up there and Kimberly is setting up our apartment (again). We are so ready for some rest from moving. It seems like we just got used to Irving and now we are having to re-learn how to find things and build new relationships. We are so excited about that. I don't think the idea has caught up with us. This week has been the down load info week and I am still adjusting.

It is good to be mindful that I don't have to talk to Andy (pastor) about everything all at once. And that our relationship has grown naturally. More to come...

Youth Ministry Redux

2007-03-26T15:03:00.000-05:00

To all of you who actually read this. Thanks.

Well, we are back in the grind of latte pouring and tutoring. We had an excellent trip to Madison, AL a town just outside of Huntsville - home of the NASA space camp. We really enjoyed the experience. I wrote about the busy schedule on my myspace blog. I am not going to go into the details of the scheduled visit. I will instead blog about what Kimberly and I are going through.

Ever since we left Boston to help my Mom we have been asking God - "why?" and "what are going to show us now?" Because for us Boston was just as much about the things God was doing in us as much as it was about the things God was doing through us. On this side of Boston and the Church Public and the CCPC and the wonderful friends and the beautiful experience that was a year of our lives - we thank the Father for giving us the gift of ever increasing our faith. In walking the Proverb, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." When it seemed like our path was crooked or not really fitting our definition of what we thought was "right" Jesus showed us His way.
And even now, living with friends, being humbled by His mercy and knowing what it is to be content in all circumstances we have discovered that we desire to live our lives in passionate pursuit of Jesus. And to live such a life in the midst of teenagers and young adults and adults for that matter for His renown. I am still learning that whether I am at Starbucks or working in a church, that I need to live a life fully submitted to the cause of Jesus and to the will of the Father. I believe that though I am often times a failure at this purpose - I do not lose hope because God is already causing me to love Him even more because of His amazing beauty and majesty.

Why write this?

Well, we have known dark times in the past two years. We have known moments of triumph and the ugliness of sin. the one thing that has remained constant is the grace of Christ in our lives. And it is this grace that continues to beckon me to be in vocational ministry. Being on a church staff seeking to do God's will and to be a servant. Rob Woodrum has always quoted the words of Jesus to me in saying, "no matter what happens, we are still unprofitable servants." I do want to make a difference in young people's lives for the sake of Jesus' name. But it is for His name that I desire to see Him lifted up. As for me and anything that I would consider "mine". I am unprofitable. May Jesus be glorified in all things. May people see and be brought to joy because of it.

SO...
With that being said, my hope is not for Kimberly and I to go to Hope Church for the sake of Brian and Kimberly or even the sake of Hope Church. I do hope that no matter what happens that the glory of the Father will fill our hearts and our heads as we continue to trust Him. That if we remain and Hope finds the person God has for them - that our journey with Jesus will be united in the victory of the Son over sin and death at the cross of calvary. If we go to Madison, then I hope that the untamed Son of God will show us His way and lead us to His cross so that we may lift Him high in that place among those people. Jesus be Jesus.

That is my hope.

Jesus Camp

2007-02-02T10:35:00.000-06:00

Well, I watched Jesus Camp, a documentary about a Charismatic Kid's Camp in North Dakota. There was a great deal of media buzz about it last year when it opened in select cities across America. And now that it is on DVD and is more widespread people may start talking about it. It's been reviewed positively and negatively, in regards to content. Both Fundamentalist Christians and Leftist Secular Humanists hold it up for their "case".

I want to address some of the content of the movie and some of the "backlash" that this film has generated. As a Evangelical Christian youth pastor, I can relate to some of the statements made by Becky Fischer, the children's minister. She articulates her beliefs passionately in the film.

The directors have claimed that they in now way edited the content to be bias or prop up an agenda of any kind, but I disagree with their claims.

Heidi Ewing, Rachel Grady

First, there is an overwhelming sense that a political message is being droned into these kids. Over and over in the film there is a "war" rhetoric that the Christians in the film use. "This means war!", Fischer shouts over and over to her kids at camp. There is a scene in which some kids are doing an interpretive dance presentation in war paint. The kids themselves talk in warrior metaphors and claim that they would gladly die for Jesus. Once or twice it is put into true biblical perspective.

" For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

There are several scenes in which a political slant is given to all that the camp leaders do. The intent I believe was to focus on the portrayal that religion is evil indoctrination and brainwashing done to children. They allow the audience to view Fischer's statements about Islamic fascists training their children to be suicide bombers as the same as Christian's training their kids at Bible camp. There is a major difference from praying about our leaders, judges and nation, than blowing people up in the name of Allah. Yes there are Christian extremists who bomb abortion clinics, and shoot abortion doctors. But, that is not being taught by mainline Evangelical churches, nor I believe the intention of Fischer and her camp leadership.

There is a lot of speaking in tongues in this movie. There is one scene in which one of the girls is crying and praying and speaking in tongues uncontrollably. There is no way any of the non-Christians watching this film are going to understand that. Speaking in tongues is a hotly debated issue in Evagelicalism. Charismatics let it rip. While others believe that this is a private thing between the believer and God. Speaking in tongues is debated so many places that it's not worth the time here to talk about it. This is a secular film that is freely watched by anyone and I don't think that aspect of worship is going to be understood by unbelievers.

BRAINWASHING (Dictionary.com)

1.	a method for systematically changing attitudes or altering beliefs, originated in totalitarian countries, esp. through the use of torture, drugs, or psychological-stress techniques.

2.	any method of controlled systematic indoctrination, esp. one based on repetition or confusion: brainwashing by TV commercials.

3.	an instance of subjecting or being subjected to such techniques: efforts to halt the brainwashing of captive audiences.

The protagonist is a radio talk show host on Air America. Mike Papantonio, host of Ring of Fire, claims to be raised a Christian in the film, but takes an issue with the kid's camp. He has obvious political leanings himself and on a Good Morning America interview comes down on Homeschool Moms who teach their kids that Global Warming is a myth and the earth is only 6,000 years old. Global Warming is something that in the year that the doc was made probably did not have the coverage or information as readily available as it has since An Inconvenient Truth came out. As far as young earth creationism is concerned, well Christians debate that as much as we debate Speaking in Tongues. In Part 2 of the interview, Fischer claims that the Disney company, parent of ABC in which GMA is on, promotes witchcraft and indoctrinates in a more subtle way. It is about the minds of kids. Impressionable kids. Whether kids should feel grief over sin. At one point Papantonio suspects whether or not a five year old knows what sin is or has even commited a sin. In the interview both he and the GMA host, snicker over stealing a cookie from the cookie jar as a five year olds sin. This is obviously the problem with most people. There is no concept of what sin really is. Sin is not something that only makes you feel guilty or shameful. They believe that is is about feeling bad. If something makes you feel bad, then it is sin. If it makes you feel good and isn't hurting anyone then it's not really a sin. One review of the film, says, "I cringed at every tear these children shed for sins they never committed." (Emphasis mine). The truth that Christians cling to and are responsible to teach children is that sin is something that grieves God's heart and does not meet His standard of holiness. His standard - not ours. The "emotional" response then that the children have over repentance in the film is not guilt or sadness. In most cases if they were asked, the children would probably have said that they are weeping because they love God and want to please Him because of His great love for us.

Some claim this film exposes Christian child abuse and manipulation. That Christians are brainwashing kids to follow doctrine. "Brainwashing" carries such a negative context doesn't it. How do we teach at school's without a little "brainwashing"? How do we teach kids to follow common laws without a little "brainwashing"? Thinking for ourselves is something we Westerners hold dear. But, are we really comparing Bible camps to Sudanese militant camps? People are saying that it is no different than to Islamic fundamentalists teaching their kids how to kill in the Jihad. Is it really? I have done several Christian summer camps. I have never experienced a time when we told kids to kill people in the name of Jesus. Quite the contrary happened. We asked kids if they were willing to lay down their lives, literally and symbolically for Jesus. Were they willing to die to share the love and message of Jesus? Because, believe it or not there are people who will kill them for being Christian. And there are aspects of our life that we are to "kill" for Jesus - attitudes and actions that do not glorify Christ in our lives.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Ad Hominum
There have been several immature reviewers that attack Fischer. Not because they disagree with her message or even her methods. Rather, they have chosen to attack her personally. One message boarder at IMDB writes, "there's a secret footage that explains why she eats so much and why she hates herself so much." It's sad really.

Documentaries recently, have agenda's and have point of views that they are trying to get out. And that comes through in this film. It is easy to see that the film makers had a particular way they wanted the audience to see the material. They gave you the conclusion by showing images that looked extreme and situations taken out of context. Bottom line, they did not want you to come away from this film with a good feeling about Evangelical Christian Kid camps. They led the viewer to believe that political indoctrination was supreme and that loving people was somewhere down on the list. They may have with all good intentions desired to show an unbiased look at "Evangelicalism". There is no mention in the film that Fischer and her bible camp have a charismatic slant. For those unfamiliar with Christianity they will undoubtedly come away from this film shocked and dismayed. Quite frankly, those Christians that do not "speak in tongues" this film will be a little weird. It all reminded me of Bowling For Columbine, how Michael Moore lays out his America's afraid and the government is keeping us that way opinion. And then he rode it all through the film. This little doc does the same thing - "Evangelicals" are indoctrinating their kids in religious right wing politics and they ride it all the way through the film. Fischer's passionate speeches are edited in such a way that the viewer has to come away with a feeling that she is a crazy radical brainwashing child abuser, especially if the viewer has no idea what any of the Christian rhetoric is about.

Watch Jesus Camp and think about it's content.

There is a light up ahead.

2007-01-31T16:33:00.000-06:00

I hope that in the up coming months there will be clear direction on where this life is sailing us. Pray for me. Ask the Lord to make me lean on Him and thus make my path straight.

The Discipline of Grace

2007-01-17T18:45:00.000-06:00

Preaching the Gospel to myself.

Taking off the poser mask and realizing "I am Not, but I know I AM".

Well, I have been reading "The Disciplines of Grace" by Jerry Bridges. He is one of my favorite authors on holiness, grace and the pursuit there of. I am confident of one thing: Jesus died for me. Yeah, I know - "Wow how cliche. Maybe we ought to put that in a CCM song or perhaps on a Christian T-shirt." I can hear the moans of, "is he still on this?"
Yes. I am still on this. This, being: Jesus died for me. I mean He freed me. I really get it. Mr. Bridges is bringing back to my mind the good thought patterns that I am a man in need of the Gospel and the Gospel is GOOD NEWS. REALLY GOOD NEWS. Focusing, meditating this new year solely on that one thing: Jesus paid it all. Done. Finished. And I am crucified with Christ so it is no longer I who live but it is Christ who lives in me. I have been walking around touting on and on about Faith Alone and I myself wasn't smoking what I was selling. I mean I believed it, but I did not own it and live it. I did not walk in the Truth of the Lord Jesus' penal substitutionary atonement to release me from the grasp of sin. The enemy doesn't want me to think about it. My flesh certainly does not want me to write about it. To tell the world that Jesus set me free.
Two Sundays ago, Kim and I visited Deliverance Bible Church in Hurst, TX. It's a church for punks and outsiders. The kind of church that adults wouldn't appreciate and the "in" Christian kids would feel uncomfortable attending. The pastor, gave a message about forgiving sin and then confessed some sin that he has been dealing with. He then invited anyone who wanted to confess to the church their sins, to come up front and well, confess. The line formed immediately. Intentions and motivations aside, the Holy Spirit moved the people to come. Some didn't get it. Others, sold out to the idea of sensing the freedom from just being naked in front of everyone with everything exposed (not literally of course). My heart was pounding in my chest. I was conflicted - do I go confess? Or do I sit here too afraid of what my motivation might be. Meanwhile, others were confessing their deep dark hearts. Liars, lustful men and women, thieves, perverts, homosexuals, junkies, addicts, idolaters, God-haters, murderers, everyone had a representative. My sin was now fearing man. I was afraid of what others would think. Even though almost everyone got up and confessed something. As I sat there I prayed, God make my intentions and motivation pure, no pride and no fear. And of course the Lord was gracious to answer. When I got to the front where the mic was, I was still afraid and tried to be humorous to make up for it. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people, I was afraid of what was going to come out of my mouth.
Like a movie of the past couple of months, I shared how I didn't trust God. I went on about how I envied other pastors and worried profusely about being in a position. I confessed that I had been angry at my wife - not because of something she had done, but just that I was angry with her. I was frustrated and wasn't following Christ with all of me. I was prideful and arrogant and I had to confess that too. I confessed to loving sleep over loving the Word.

As I went to set down, I knew I was in good company when others looked me in the eye and nodded the "I've been there, bro. Keep running." I didn't see thee before mentioned "sinners", I saw saints who feared God and loved Him. Disciples seeking the Rabbi, Jesus. And He was eager to be found. When we got in the car Kimberly confessed somethings to me. It was the first time in awhile I didn't get angry or resentful. And that is because some healing took place in my heart. Grace came in. Jesus showed Himself marvelous again. Just like Jesus.
So being disciplined by Grace - I am learning (again) - is a sign that I am in Christ. That He abides with me and I abide in Him.

Jesus is still setting me free and Jesus has set me free. Sweet.

Thank God for the book of Romans and for the apostle Paul.

More later.

My friend Bradley

2007-01-17T18:06:00.000-06:00

Check out this ingenious fellow. His name is Bradley and he is HILARIOUS.

On Having Not Taken a Beating for Jesus, (Yet).

2006-12-29T22:12:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wish God's discipline came in the version of an ass kicking. This way I could clean up the blood and mend the wounds. Instead, I am left to wonder - "how long O Lord, how long will You continue to bear me up under Your wrath?"

Okay. I admit that might seem a little serious. But here at the end of 2006 I am ready to move out of the desert of this long night. I have been praying, thanking God for His mercy and for His grace. Mostly I thank Him for His discipline. I know that the Master, Jesus, bore all of my guilt and shame. And that He took my portion of the wrath of God. However, as His child I know from reading Hebrews that He chastizes those He loves in order to put in them what cannot be bought with gold, namely His character. Financial burdens, grief, loss of loved ones, loss of mission, and working at jobs just to survive is getting to me. This is not the suffering I had in mind when I told Jesus that I was willing to suffer for His name. The weird thing is that I don't think I am "suffering". I am aware of the plight of our African brothers and sisters and our Middle Eastern and Asian Christians who face poverty and death everyday.

It is foolish of me to think that this minor "inconvience" of living with another family and living to pay off credit cards is really suffering. Lame. That kind of thinking is lame. I mean Jesus had no place to lay His head. The discipiles and the early Christians took beating after beating for preaching the Name of Jesus. But, there in lies my mental problem. These circumstances I find myself in are not from preaching the Gospel. It is not as if the local government and the religious leaders took my possessions and my job and pummeled me with rocks because I was in the marketplace declaring the name of Christ. No. I am more inclined to believe these things are readily happening because I have little faith. I am not talking about naming, claiming nonsense. I am talking about walking on water, seeing blind men see, lepers beeing cleansed, Spirit of the Living God eveloping faith.

I have forgotten what it is like to really trust God and to have hope that tomorrow is going to be better. I have lost touch with doing all things for the glory of God no matter what the result. I am stuck in the thought pattern that because I stack boxes, sling lattes or whatever that what I am doing is of little eternal signifigance. I sin. And the enemy wants me to stay right in that mindset so that I will keep on sinning. That I will forget that Jesus took my beating and that each day is a gift no matter how broke I am. I am rich in that my inheritance is King Jesus. It's just hard to think properly about earthly things sometimes. It is hard to live out the Sermon on the Mount. It is difficult to be a follower of Jesus with all these stupid things the enemy and the world throws at me. Suffering, heh! I have not begun to know His sufferings. Each day Jesus must become more sufficient for me. His grace must become relevant all the more.
Each day I must die to worry, guilt, shame, pride, laziness and lust.

Today is a good day to die.

Butterflies

2006-12-05T18:35:00.000-06:00

I woke up today thinking about reformed theology. I know I am a nerd. I dreamt of a butterfly. I got to thinking about how sometimes as Christians we use this imagery for becoming a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). The butterfly took on a whole different idea for me. A butterfly doesn't "choose" to become one. It is called a "miracle of Nature" or a biological process. I thought of it this way - if I believe that the Scriptures teach that God initiates and also draws us to faith, just as the caterpillar is drawn to make a cocoon and become something other than itself and God is the one working all of this into existence, how can this not be true? I mean we don't look at a butterfly and say, "look at what a beautiful creature that worm chose to become". No, rather we would say that indeed something miraculous took place in order for the Monarch to rise from the cocoon different than when it entered.

So, the process of salvation in of itself is a miracle of mercy and grace. I think that we have a problem with it because not all worms become butterflies. Why wouldn't a furry little floor crawler not want to become a majestic flying insect, bouncing heavenward? Is it because it's will is bound to a biological process of change or non-change? Or perhaps there are outside influences - such as hanging out with other butterflies that really makes or breaks the little crawlers experience to shun the wings or embrace the flight life? Or maybe our squirmy friends fate lies in the hands of its creator?

All I know is that I desire to fly.

TEXAS

2006-10-28T01:04:00.000-05:00

So we are moving to Texas. Come this time next week I will be hanging my hat in the Lone Star state. Some people are like - Wha?!?

Well, as the story goes...
We have been struggling with direction for about a month now. Things fell through with my Mom. We have been looking for jobs and have hit the wall. We are looking for jobs in our related field but nothing worked out. Then the relationship with my Mom deteriated and we could not help her. She needs tons of help but it seems like we are more of a burden than helpful.

Our friends Erin and Lewis offered for us to come and stay at their house and they would help us find jobs. We could be useful at their church and also Irving is looking for teachers. So, we prayed and deliberated and prayed and discussed and sought counsel and prayed. The open door was staring down at us and we stood around and wondered if God was doing something else. Surely not Texas. I mean last year it was Boston. Then this year Tennessee. And now He wants us to move to Texas? At first we thought why not go back to Boston. We could do it again. And then we reconsidered. It was such a hard road for us. And this soon it would be even harder. Our finances are not in ship shape and most importantly we feel as if the door is closed on that mission in our lives right now. I don't know. It's like we are getting a big stop sign about heading back to Boston at this time.
Why not stay put?
Well, we have prayed through that. There are many reasons to stay. My sister and her kids live across the parking lot. We love the church we have been attending. We have friends here. We love the mountains. The thing is, we can't stay when we believe God is moving us. Jobs were just not right for us here and we believe the reason we came here was to help my Mom. This has been closed to us. We have tried to be helpful but we can't help someone who doesn't want our help. So we have been given the permission and the peace to move on.

We considered Mississippi, with Kimberly's folks. We just did not see a jobs really coming to fruition there. They live out in the woods and it is a bit counterproductive to getting solid jobs to pay off our debt. Driving an hour to Jackson is not cost effective. So, Lewis and Erin offered to help and so we go to Texas. With new hopes and dreams and low expectations. We just want to work.

2006-10-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

So we live near this now. No Skyscrapers or the Big Dig. Just mountains. If it wasn't so stressful here it would be a great place to live. To seek and follow hard after God. In a little over a year we have gone through two culture shocks. I am trying to figure out what the Great Lion is doing with us. We moved here to help my Mom. It is difficult to help someone who doesn't want our help and doesn't really know what she wants help with. So, we are in a weird place. Careerwise - nothing, relationship with God - always changing us. So where do we go from here. Part of me wishes I would have never left PC. Another part wishes I would have never left Boston, but that is how it is when we follow the Spirit. I just hope He blows by here again.

Being at the Beginning

2006-05-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

It is difficult to be at the beginning of things. Starting a community of people who are following Jesus and being their pastor is difficult. Knowing that I am responsible for them and myself - wow. It is not only a good thing to trust Jesus, but it is a great thing to know Him in all of this as well. I have to hold on to Him.

Prayer Chair Blogger Style (or an Open Letter to Surf youth 2000-2005)

2006-03-20T18:16:00.000-06:00

As I am here in Boston planting a new community of believers, I wanted to write to you. I remember when you and I would meet to discuss the Bible and the things that Jesus was doing in your life. I hope that His peace and grace are with you. The same grace and peace He died for on the cross on our behalf, in order to deliver us from sin now and eternally. I am thankful for all of you. I thankful for your prayers and for the evidence of your faith even as time passes.

I am grieved that I hear and have seen some turn and return to things that only those who know nothing of His grace and mercy do. How you have allowed others to influence your decisions regarding your former ways and ways that are not beneficial for those who belong to the gospel. I am writing as your friend and as someone who you have trusted in the past to give you guidance. I am not writing as one who has arrived or is better than you. For some what I am about to say will be offensive. I hope that you will pray and think about what I have to write before you respond.
Some have apparently chosen to live a life of inconsequence. The sufferings of Christ are worthless to you. Instead of being godly men and women and choosing the hard life of sacrifice, dying to self - you would rather give into your flesh needs/wants. Let's face it was it all a pharce? Because if it was - why?

What I am trying to say is that for some of you, I thought I knew of the depth of love you had for Him. For Jesus, our Lord who gave Himself up for you. We spoke of how we never wanted to be slaves to anything but the righteousness of Christ. I spent time with you, believing that you desired the same things I did. To become more like the Jesus who loves us. I know that I am by no means perfect. I have made mistakes and do make mistakes. I sin, have sinned, will sin. But, the Holy Spirit inside of me drives me to the goal - of ever laying aside those things that do not bring Him glory. I am writing, after laboriously, and prayfully considering the state of those saints that I left behind. I am not writing with a self-righteous attitude, or for self absorption. Please understand this. Please understand that I am laying down my pride and myself to humbly come to you. Asking you to return to your first love - Jesus. Knowing that many of you may very well read this and never talk to me again or be very upset with my seriousness. You may not like what I am saying. However, I am being sincere of heart, desiring that you mature in Jesus. My aim is to reawaken in you the passion I heard you tell of and you desired to live out. I saw many of you hunger for Jesus and not just the things of Jesus. We have worshipped together, prayed together, played together, worked together, served together, laughed together and discussed the truth of God and love. And with that same truth and love I say to you I am concerned for you. Not for your souls for that is the business of the Holy Spirit. Hear me when I say that I have seen the evidence of salvation in you. So my concern is that you are wasting your life. You are called (if you claim Christ) to live a life worthy of the one who called you. Who has promised you a better life? Who has deceived you to believe that your life is worthless? That you would rather throw away the reputation of Christ in you.
Of course what I am saying is crazy, that I am going on rumors. My friends, I know you and at first, I couldn't believe what I have heard. I cannot just sit idly by why you go down that road where the bridge is out. Your lives are packed full of potential. Potential to do so good. Christ Jesus has redeemed us to do good things and yet some have decided to do the things that drag Him through the mud. I mean c'mon pot? Underage drinking? Drinking to get drunk? Sex? Drugs? Is it worth it? You have believed Jesus died for your sins, right? Why then do you chase after those things in which Jesus tasted death to set you free from?

You are sons and daughters of the Most High God. His child. He loves you. I love you. And I write this in love. Begging you to turn back to your Father, the Creator of the universe, Jesus the King. Have you been duped into thinking that you can wait till you're older to make a difference here? Do you think that you will follow the King when you get older and "settle down". Please, don't follow Jesus because you have guilt. Follow Jesus because your heart beats for Him. That you can do nothing more than live for Him - totally for Him. Was our time together in vain? Our time at Eastgate a nice get together for songs and nice talks with humor? Was I a horrible mentor/leader? If so I repent. I repent of not living Jesus for you to follow. Forgive me, for failing you in this way. Forgive me for being selfish and desiring my things over your joy in Christ. But, I have experienced the joy of you following Jesus. Teenagers and twenty-somethings can be disciples. I believe it. I have seen you die to self and love others.

Before, when you didn't know God, intimately as a friend - some of you knew the life of drugs and sex. Don't you know that these things are chains to keep you from running the race God has marked out for you? Some of you feel like you may have known God since you came out of your mother's womb. So, why trade friendship with the attitudes and things that are here today and gone tomorrow? When we walk in the Pleasure of God we are strong and live life to the full. When we surrender our hearts, minds and bodies to fleeting things, you know what I am talking about, we lose track of the thing that lasts - Jesus. Why become enslaved to mindless philosophies, and evil desires that corrupt the image of God and blind you to the truth. AND for what? For companionship, for you to feel cool, to fit in, to not be made fun of? For people to think you are a great guy/girl? Do you therefore despise the grace of God and the times you share with fellow believers? Are you going through something deeper? Why not share it with one another? Carry each others burdens.

You know the Truth. You know that if you are suffering that turning to things for quick fixes will and cannot help you. They only cause us to spiral further away from the One who can help us. You are my friends, so stand firm. It is for freedom, from sin that Christ has set us free. It's me, Brian, the guy who stayed up to 4 - 5 in the morning talking with you, challenging you, praying for/with you, and did this for the sake of Christ in us.
I want the best for you, all of you. You are gifted and talented. You are smarter than me. Build the Kingdom with that, instead of exchanging the glory of God for temporary drunkenness, because that is what most of it is - drunkenness. Whether it be drunk on hormones (sex) or getting hammered by drug of choice. So be drunk on the Holy Spirit. Walk close to Jesus and be refreshed by His intoxicating way. Many of you were going so well. You were growing in the understanding of knowing Him and being known by Him. It is NOT about do's and don'ts. But those things that God has shown you to do - do them. That is what marks you as a disciple of Jesus. I am confident that you know this. That it is about a relationship with Jesus. So how do you show Jesus that you love Him? By making much of Him with your lives. By obeying all that He has commanded us. No, Jesus did not say; "Don't party, don't smoke pot, etc." But He did say that if we want to be His disciple then we must crucify ourselves. Smoking pot, making out, looking at porn, masturbating, leading minors to drink or take drugs, is about fulfilling our selfish desires. There are also those things that no one can see, hatred for others, lust, selfishness, greed, envy and things like that. Attitudes that destroy us and harm others. Let us look closely at our hearts and remember who we are.

We are warriors. Poet warriors. Discover your rhythm and pace with Jesus. Follow hard after Him. Walk in the Spirit and we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. I desire for you to produce fruit with your lives. Fruit that will not rot on the vine. I want us to inherit the Kingdom. The Kingdom that Jesus offers us, here and now and to come. So let us bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and SELF-CONTROL. You know that I struggle with you, but we must remember that it is Christ that produces the fruit in us. So I say that it can happen. He has begun a good work in us and He is faithful to complete it. Do not let others hinder you from walking in the Spirit. Only you can prevent this in your life. Get away from them. Find someone who desires to walk with you in the way of Jesus and bear your burdens on Jesus and cast all of this on Him because He cares for you. He desires to change our hearts, our minds, our desires and our ways. Do not be deceived, my beloved, as Paul wrote, whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Do not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
So it is the cross of Christ that causes me to write to you in such a way. In hope that you will remember - not just the warm fuzzies of time spent in worship - but remember the bloody sacrifice in which the world was crucified to us and we to the world. Neither giving into these things makes you unlovable by God - nor not giving into these things will make Him love you more. The question is then -How much do we love Him? Do we bear the resemblance of Him who bore our sins on the cross?
Grace and Joy - AND NO condemnation be onto you - of our Lord Jesus the Christ be with you and may we be the men and women, Christ paid to make us into, on the cross.
Live the Gospel the mystery of Christ in you!
Humbly,
Brian
with help from the letter to the Galatians by Paul

The Journey

2006-02-11T20:49:00.000-06:00

I am not supposed to tell you this. I sin. Sometimes it is with my mind and eyes and other times I sin with my actions. Sometimes I sin with my mouth and my feelings. I sin. The thing is I am a leader. I am a person that people look to for Christian guidance. I am a Christian leader. I follow Jesus. Sometimes I lose Him. But mostly, I follow Jesus. I am His disciple. Yet, I am undisciplined. I sleep in the afternoon. I don't read my Bible, like I should. I don't study enough. I don't think about godly thoughts (I'm starting to feel like Chris Farley). I keep thinking, who said I was supposed to? Then I think about the words of Jesus. I think about how He said, If you love Me, you will obey what I have commanded you. He also said, that His new command was to love. It's kind of confusing, because I love Jesus. And I still feel very disobedient. I know that Jesus is my friend and my Lord. I know that He is not condemning His child. I can't help but think that even in feeling this guilt, I am sinning. I suppose that I am focusing on the negative. My life looks more like Jenga blocks about to topple than a Pillar of Truth. I am a messy disciple. I am revaluating me. The other day I was thinking, that I look like a boy. Not so much my features, but the way I dress and carry myself. I don't have the fun a boy does. Mostly because I feel this pressure that I have to "measure up" to something. I don't know what. I sin. I am a leader and I sin and it drives me nuts. I desire to do good. To be a good man. To be a dangerous man. A man the enemy fears. I want to abide in Christ. I don't want to do what I do and yet sin is right there with me. Derek Webb's cd entitled the House Sessions, has a track with him speaking about our sin. He says if our sin was broadcast on the evening news and we had nothing to hide, it would change how we live, how we love. He went on to say that Jesus knows our sin and He knows us. His words challenge me, and yet I find myself in that self - loathsome mood in which all I can do is be afraid that I will be found out. I'll be found out that I am pretty good at faking it. Pretty good at having righteous indignation about others sin and yet I am angry at my wife for asking me to take the trash out. Pretty good at making a Bible study come together when I don't have very many original thoughts and I usually just borrow ideas and messages from others. I don't dig my own wells, in other words. Whose to say this is a bad thing?

I don't know but, I think I am always just playing catch up. Not like a competition, but more like a journey. A journey that requires me to follow a guide. A guide who knows the way. Thinking this way makes me look at others on the journey and envy how close they seem to be to the guide. And every once in awhile I look down at my feet and lose sight of where the guide went. The good thing about the guide is that He keeps looking for me. I just don't want to let the others down. I don't want the group to have to keep waiting on the fat kid, who keeps finding sticks to make into toy guns. That is probably my biggest fear. That I will let others down and yet at the same time I hardly ever think about letting down the guide. He seems patient with me and thankful that I am still on the journey and that I am glad to see Him.

I sin. And Jesus wants me. I love Jesus.

Trying to get back

2006-02-09T22:07:00.000-06:00

Okay, I am resolved to write in my blog at least once a week from here on out. To bad I have to be at work at 5:30 am. I will write tomorrow...

So the Beach is Behind us...

2005-11-24T22:27:00.000-06:00

There is a big change in landscape...

A Little Scar Tissue

2005-04-06T17:12:00.000-05:00

Things have been fast paced in my world recently. It all started two weeks ago with the removal of a cyst from the back of my neck. The doctor numbed it and then sliced me open and cut the thing out. Kimberly nearly passed out in the observation of the whole thing. The only thing that made me a little unnerved was the blood trickiling down the left side of my neck as I lay face down, helpless on the operating table. I had a retreat to speak at the following day and kept pretty good strength although a little loopy when I took the pain meds. Everyone said it looked gross and I was just sore. The following Sunday, Easter, we left for Mississippi to be with Kimberly's family. I was feeling really naucious the whole trip and Kimberly drove so I could sleep. She normally makes it so I drive. She was such a wonderful wife on the trip. I kept feeling bad on into Monady and that night had a fever that ached through out my entire body. All through the night I tried to sleep. I mostly just sweat my way through the night. I felt cold though like I was outside in Ohio during the winter with no clothes on. I wore a pair of Kim's sweat pants, that I managed to put on backward. They barely fit my large body and I sort of just wished I could die. The morning brought liquid poop. Sixteen trips to the ol' porceilin throne. The trip home that day was difficult though I didn't drive. I had little or no appetite the whole day. Once we crossed the bridge in Pensacola our driverside back tire blew. Kelly, my sister in law, was driving the huge family van and was able to pull off and stop without killing us. Changing tires are not fun. Let alone on the side of the interstate, at night with two babies, three women and Franky. No offense to my wife's sister's boyfriend. There wasn't much he could do. I placed the jack in the wrong spot to jack up this monstrosity of a vehicle. And the wheel didn't go high enough to get the spare on. Fun. Kern, my father in law called a cousin of Susan, my mother in law, to come and help. He just happens to live in P-cola. He came and in like 5 minutes we were on the road. After two hours, he show up with an extra jack and everything is right as rain, mostly. I had to go to the bathroom again. We got back to home fine. Two days later we were heading out for another great adventure. This time it would be to Atlanta with the Covenant Seniors...

Fearful Excitement

2005-03-16T16:25:00.000-06:00

Well, we have finally set a date for moving from Panama City Beach to Boston. At the very last of June we are hoping to be on our way to Beantown. Kimberly and I were in the car yesterday thinking, "this time next year we are going to be Bostonians?!?" It is weird to think about and yet it is what we know we are supposed to do. I think sometimes, "what if I don't measure up?" What if I don't 'make it happen'? It is a scary thing launching out into uncharted waters. I mean we have been in communication with some people in Boston, but I have never been there, I do not know what to expect as far as ministry environments are concerned. It will be good to own my own vision and to see if I have what it takes to serve the Lord without the umbrella of a "church". It is still scary to think that everything will come down to me and my decisions (for the most part). I just want to do this right. Everyone doubts my ability to make a living on my own. It is a scary thing to know the people who you admire and look up to don't think you can make it on your own. They haven't come right out and said it but, I just get the feeling that if they were straight up they would tell me that they think I'm lazy. That because I don't have a secular job that I am aimless and lacking in being able to provide for myself. I am 28 and for the last 4 years I have only really known church work. Which, I believe to be very hard work. It may not be a physically demanding deal, but my emotions and what not have been through the ringer. I sound so mopey. I have hope in Jesus and I can do all things throgh Him who strengthens me - even work at a "real" job.
Pray for me.

So this is Trust

2005-03-08T16:47:00.000-06:00

Medical things keep adding up. Ever since Kimberly was diagnosed with Diabetes we have faced the money crunch. I can see why health care is such a "big deal" for Americans. I mean between her testing strips to her meds and insulin there is a lot of things to purchase. The Insurance only goes so far. So we are left trusting. Trusting that we can pay for it. Trusting that God will indeed provide for us. We believe that Jesus meets our every need and that He will meet this one as well. Her sugar doesn't want to stay stable so that is a bit on the frustrating side of things, but to be honest I guess I need to talk to God about that. I trust that He can bring this under control.

Boston. Boston? Boston.

2005-02-24T12:46:00.000-06:00

Here I am supposed to be getting ready for a weekend retreat I am speaking at and once again I find myself drawn to what I can put off till later. I am not very good at typing. That is why I think I don't blog as much as I should. I don't do alot of things I should do. Like, take out the trash and generally help my wife out at home. I don't get the things done that I should get done first then have time to do things that are a little less meaningful. We are moving to Boston soon. In July, I think. I have never been to Boston but I hear it is a beautiful place. I know it will be a crowded place and I am a little frightened by that. I am not one for crowds or driving in big cities so who knows how this is going to go. But I believe this is where God is leading our family so I must go. We are going to start a collegiate church in Boston. I am excited and yet know that it is going to take hard work and sacrifice to accomplish our goals there. If anyone reads this and loves Jesus please pray for us.

2005...A Space Oddity

2005-01-11T15:08:00.000-06:00

So 2005 rumbles in with a Tsunami and continued problems all over the globe. I think that everyone is happy that 2004 is over. Speaking of '04...

2004 "the year of Dynamite"
The brightest spots of 2004 had to be Napoleon Dynamite. In a summer of tired movies Napoleon Dynamite was worth the price of admission all three times. In a year that saw curse's lifted - (Red Sox Finally!) and ever increasing woes (the Cleveland Browns debacle). ND helped me get through. But enough about pulp culture.

Personally, the end of 2004 (August to December) was increasing time of self awareness and denial. From my grandmother's passing and the insuing family argument to the revelation of a life lived in guilt and shame. All in all, I think 2005 can only be better. I wish now that I was a better writer. I wish that I was able to put down my life so that people could read it and grow. Or at least I could read it and move on.

Grandma Metz was a wonderful woman. She was funny and articulate. She wrote many poems and helped keep the family abreast on gossip. She had a private faith and a loving tenderness. And yet at times she had a wicked tongue. I was given the privaledge to preach her funeral. Talk about hard to do. It was a pleasure however in helping my family move on from Grandma's departure. She had cancer and was ready my Dad had said. I believe my grandma lived a full life raising 6 children and mourning the loss of one. She lives on in our memories and our thoughts.

Kimberly and I have the opportunity to possibly serve in Boston. Please pray for us about that. I'll be updating here more regularly.

Peace Out

Poll, Polls, Polls

2004-11-02T14:41:00.000-06:00

I don't trust polls. Exit polls, early polls blah, blah, blah! There is nothing to them. I am never asked to be in a poll, so who are they asking? Dolphins? I just don't like polls. They scare people or sway opinions more than they really analyze what is really going on. Are they really a glimpse into the voters minds or do they just play with voters minds? Silly. Polls stink. Has anyone asked you about what you think in a poll? About the president? I trust starwars.com polls on whether fans like Chewbacca more than Jar Jar more than I do the latest USA today poll. I really don't like political polls.

The Freedom and the Bondage of the Will

2004-10-08T18:14:00.000-05:00

The following is taken from the Reformation Study Bible, R.C. Sproul general editor:

Proper understanding of the freedom of the will in the fallen human condition is assisted by distinguishing free agency from free will.

Free agency is a mark of humanity as such. All humans are free agents in the sense that they make their own decisions about what they do, choosing as they please in the light of their conscience, inclinations, and thoughts. They are answerable to God and to the rest of humanity for their choices. Adam was a free agent before the Fall, and afterwards. He continued to have desires and thoughts and to put them into action through his will. Similarly, we are free agents now; we will continue to be so after the resurrection. The glorified saints excercise their wills, but they are confirmed in grace, so that they cannot sin. Their choices are the product of human free agency, made in accordance with their nature, but now these choices are good and right. The transformation of their hearts is complete and they desire to do what is right.

Free will has been defined by Christian teachers from the second century on as the ability to choose any at all of the moral options offered in a given situation. Augustine taught that this possibility was lost through the Fall. The loss is part of the burden of original sin. After the Fall, our natural hearts are not inclined toward God; they are in bondage to sin and cannot be freed from this slavery except by the grace of regeneration. Such an understanding of the fallen will is taught by Paul in Romans 6:16-23.

Only a will that has been set free is able to choose righteousness freely and heartily. A permanent love of righteousness, that is, an inclination of the heart to the way of living that pleases God, is one aspect of the freedom that Christ gives (John 8:34-36; Gal. 5:1, 13).

keeping it real

2004-09-01T12:13:00.000-05:00

So I haven't written on the blog in quite some time. Well, perhaps that will change. I don't think anyone reads this beast anyway so... But it would be great to have some questions and answers. I'll start. How can Christians be liberal in social issues such as abortion, welfare and gay marriage?

2 Corinthians 4:1-12

2004-08-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 3But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. 6For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Cast Down but Unconquered7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed-- 10always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12So then death is working in us, but life in you.

Nothing

2004-08-03T10:52:00.000-05:00

Boy have I been busy doing nothing. SO busy that I haven't blogged in awhile. I stink at this blogging thing. I wish I blogged everyday. I have now self-discipline or motivation it seems. All I ever do is look at web sites and waste my time. This is not a good thing. I have to gain control. I wonder what Strong Bad is up to...